AITA for refusing to "fix" family drama when my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend gaslit me for 3 years?

26F here. Boyfriend Jack (27M). His brother Dylan (27M) and girlfriend Sara (26F) created 3+ years of toxic drama where I was scapegoated and gaslit. AITA for saying no to their "ball's in your court" blame-shift and protecting my peace?

Timeline:

April 2022: Meet at Jack's house. No one says hi. Sara later claims I was "territorial day 1."

Birthday planning: Sara secretly plans Dylan's surprise birthday dinner with only the older brother, excludes Jack/me despite group plans in the works and despite them literally being twins. Frames us as withdrawing. I understand because I'm new here, sara has been involved with her bf and family for 2+ years at this point.

Texas trip (May-Jun): Sara shares cocaine/vibrator stories publicly. We have a heart to heart where she claims she was "verbally r**ed." But sends me kissy photo + skincare texts immediately after. I apologize, she immediately sends me a paragraph calling me untrustworthy, etc.

My birthday (Jun 15): Sara/Dylan fight over ig following. Dylan calls Jack to corroborate something Sara is saying I told her. Sara labels me "divisive/unfriendly," blames me for their tension. I spend my birthday defending myself.

Pool party (Jul 23): They skip Jack's invite (my best friend is there (dylan's ex fling from middle school). Dylan tells parents he feels uncomfortable at house. Parents get upset. Dylan calls Jack crying and says: "I will have to cut you off, Be sure she's the one, make this right, etc" They accuse me of saying "my bff s**ked Dylan in middle school" (I said they had a "thing"). (My best friend denies remembering that, says she has no interest in Dylan). Jack pressured to make me apologize. Nearly ended us.​

Halloween 2022: Sara's friend flirts w/Jack in front of me, only Jack noticed not I. I get gaslighting texts: I'm "resentful/divisive/projecting." Sara Falsely tells mom she was uninvited to Thanksgiving. Sara/Dylan block me ( i don't pay mind to it). I apologize again at an in person intervention by the mom. I still am unfamiliar with all of these people.

in between this time theres a lot of tensions, weird comments being made, weird behavior. I'm understanding how I feel, Jack and I learn about each other. A tiff happens between Sara and Dylans family.

We have a last convo where we try to fix everything and they claim that the ball in my court, but the only reason I don't want to "move on" is because there has been no accountability on both ends. From Dylan giving an ultimatum and from Sara for calling me names, to accusing Jack of cheating on me (turns out it was untrue), (i could go on).

The call ends with them saying they are tired of being painted as bad people and that the ball is in my court if I want to move on.

July 2025: Parents goodbye party (they were moving). Sara refuses sleepover (she has her period felt uncomfy), Dylan's dad tells her "grow up". Sara and dylan are arguing they end up Ubering to NJ. Next day Sara screams at dad, blames him for engagement breakup, involves her dad asks if he wants he can take it up with her dad feels like a threat. Dylan threatens to cut off his family. Mom and Dad are devastated and crying.

Now: After 24 hours they get back engaged, they plan wedding date. Jack accepts Dylan's best man. Dylan explicitly says "ball's in her court" to reopen conversation and "move on" after 3+ years of their gaslighting, blame shifting, triangulation, blocking me, and family threats. They're framing me as the bitter one refusing peace, ignoring they caused all harm and never apologized/owned anything. Jack supports me but feels family pressure to mediate. They want "family unity" for wedding/Maryland visits without addressing my pain. 

AITA for:

• Not contacting/reconciling when they harmed me?
• Skipping wedding/Maryland?
• Telling Jack I'm done w/ their emotional labor?

Jack supports but family pressures him. They call me bitter. YTA/NTA/ESH/NAH?