I’m scared of myself

Usually I’m able to keep these thoughts at bay but lately they have been stronger. I’m honestly scared of myself. I’m scared that I won’t have the strength to overcome it this time. My situation is a rough one. My dad kicked me out in Nov. I was homeless for about a month. He let me move back in yesterday and says I can stay until I get one my feet but I know it won’t last because he said the same thing last time before kicking me out. I’m also a transwoman having to hide my gender identity and it’s so hard to have to live and rely on people who don’t accept my identity. I know many trans women have taken their lives being in the same situation I’m in. Luckily I do have an escape plan. I plan on going over the road and transitioning while I’m driving trucks. I know trucking can be dangerous at times especially for trans women but I don’t believe I’ll make it if I don’t start working towards living authentically. I just hope I can make it to the trucking job and start working towards this because I need it.