How to approach a sex talk with my girlfriend? M36 F33

You can read the full story for a nice gossip haha.

I 37M have been in a relationship with my girlfriend F33 for 4 years. We have been exclusive and committed to each other. Living together for those 4 years and sharing days/weekends before.

There's a lot of nuances for the full context so I will try to give as much as possible.

I had a previous long-term relationship, started in high school, and lasted way way more than it should have. That took my whole 20s, so I didn't really experiment with other girls at that time.

After I finished that relationship, I had a couple months of picking myself up and actually growing.

So yes, i was going out, meeting new girls, and hooking up. It was new, it was awesome, it was something i've never done before. And also it was completely brutal, something i've never done before. rejections, not knowing how to talk to girls, inexperience, ghosting. The whole dump of the not so nice side of fooling around.

Over that period, I met my current GF, we hit it off immediately, as I felt my last relationship and what I wanted in life was kind of resuming after a few months pause. She was, and is, super caring to me. Everything is good with her. I love her, and she loves me back. I can feel that every day with her actions and her overall behavior towards me. And I reciprocate that 100%. I'm caring, attentive, and responsible.

It honestly felt like resuming after a pause, but with a new person that actually cared about me and supported me to grow in every way possible. Personally, socially, and business career wise. The whole deal. Not toxic, not a PITA..

We started to hang around more in the pandemic, where obviously, social activities were banned, and I was making the most out of it. So it also was a timing and strategic situation about it. We passed together through the lock down and pandemic.

Then, we talked to make it more official. So I asked her to be my gf and all of that. At that point, i openly told her about that period of my life, and that i while reassuring my now commitment to our now exclusive relationship, i still felt inside me that I wanted to keep having sex with other girls; so I proposed we experiment threesomes, but that i understood that it might not be her likeness, so I was open to be patient about it.

Well.. long story short, 4 years, still didn't happened. Earlier this year I mentioned her that i was feeling stuck in a couple ways. 1, our sex life has definitely decreased. 2, i had two grueling bad business years. 3, i still have that feeling inside me, but i will not act on it because i respect our relationship agreement.

I read sometime ago that sex is a portal for good things, for blessings lets say. Not getting too deep or spiritual on it. Just that it is an important energy portal, and i believe that.

When we started dating, obviously, sex drive, novelty, the can't keep hands out of each other, was above the roof. Of course. That was some hottt sex we had having at that time.

That was also the time where i was killing it on the business. Selling a lot, getting commisions, money available. Vacations, new car... you name it.

In my head: lots of sex = good business
(not just meaningful sex... i know you'll understand what i'm trying to point out here)

But then, business collapse.

I admit my 2 bad business years had taken a toll on me, on her, on our relationship. But she stayed loyal to me, supporting however she could, and I was also loyal to her, working tirelessly to make it back again. I get it, sometimes business is not good, it is a stage, and we have to out live it. It happens, no biggies.

Stress, ends not meeting, super short cash availability. Of course it takes a toll on a girl's libido. I get it.

So, I kept my head down. Decided to put out every desire out of me that wasn't relationship + business + house directed. I focused on working. Cut off a lot of "friends" which after all, not many of them actually reaches out to me now, so I guess it shows who was putting the effort on the friendships. No going out, no extra social life than whats needed. I even deleted social apps from my phone to reduce distractions. I still dont have IG on my phone, its like taking regular coca cola after you're not consuming sugar for a while.. too much.

So my social activities went to basically zero. I work remote and have a "private" office. So i literally spend sometimes days without interacting face to face with anyone. Putting aside the obvious of getting a coffee, store, doorman, and people like that. But friends, male or female, about 0.

I understood my task was to work and to deliver calmness and stability to my house once again. So i said to myself "not the time to pursue other girls, since i cannot "mantain" the very special one that i have". Good. Glad.

Business is getting better now. I'm not splurging or anything, but i can go out to have dinner again, grab a coffee from the shop, or having a beer in the afternoon after i finish my daily work.

I'm in an area where there is a big shopping center near me, and they have like an outdoor terrace with different food/drinks stands where a lot of people from different office buildings and tourists comes to hang out, is really cool, really nice.

So couple weeks back, I went to have a beer. I sat alone for a while, just looking around. Then when i got to pickup a second glass, the bartender told me "hey i saw you over there alone and looking all down.. come and sit here on the bar" so i did, there was other people that i got to talk, and ended up having a great time.

Then about next week, i went again with my GF this time, and had another beer.

And, last friday, i was there again, but alone bc GF had other activities, so i went to sit directly at the bar. I was there, just casually having my beer, then started to talk with other people at the bar.. and everything went well, i was having a good time. I was socializing again.

People came by, pick up their drinks, their food.. i was making jokes with the bartender, to the people that came in and out, to the other at the bar. Then this girl comes by (of course...) so I check up and.. nice girl... but that was that. I didnt even moved from my seat.

Then i went to pickup a bite from the stand next door, and this girl, seating at her table with her friends, when i go by she asks me "heyy hi, you go to X gym right?" and i told her "yes, i do, i haven't seen you there" chit chat, and i left her knowingly she wanted to talk more (yes ik lol)

After a while, she comes by to where I am, talked to the bartender about whatever, and approached me again to ASK FOR MY NUMBER (i was like wtf is this really happening) so i give her, she goes to her table, and when i check my phone, she has texted me already.

A while after she comes again and says "hey goodbye (and kisses me on the cheek), i have to go bc my friends are going but i dont really want to go home yet...." and I was like..... hmm. Figure this is around 10pm "so... do you want to stay here a while, and then I give you a ride home, like, is that what you're saying?" words more, words less.. she says "yes, i would like to stay a while and you to take me home"

I was like..... woah. Where are the cameras. lolllll. Yes, i did went to that place with the goal of socializing, to see and chat with people, yes with girls, but that was like what. That doesnt happen.

Well, she came, sat with me.. we chatted, hit it off.. dude, perfect. I was not simping, controlled, not just another dude drooling about how beautiful she is.

I got the car, open the door for her, and in that moment, another girl that i was talking to while waiting for my car, asks me for my IG. And when she was writing her @ tells me "hey it seems like your girlfriend is getting jealous at me having your IG" and I was.. fuck, yes probably (i wasnt seeing her bc the car was behind me and she was in the car already)

I got in the car and there it was. Upset (lolllllll). Tells me to get her to another bar where her friends are and to just drop her there, that she really wanted me to get her home and stuff to happen, but after me getting this other girl IG was a no for her and it really bothered her (i mean wtf, we just met, as much as the other girl but ok, i can understand)

I told her ok, no problem, that i can give her a ride. No pushing, not making anything uncomfortable.. all good. I saw her smoking a cig (which I dont like) and asked if she smoked weed (i do) she told me no, but that she used to and can roll me one if I had (i was like... omg girl, why you want me to fall for you like this lollllll) ofc she rolled me one and we did a short drive around. I left her the bar she wanted, and we (cheek) kissed goodbye. We both wanted more, thats for sure, but we contained.

Honestly, i wasnt really feeling it to go and lets say it, cheat on my girlfriend. I thought about it, of course. Mind you this is a truly beautiful girl, the one that I would approach 100%, and she approached me.

I know i kinda blow it up (maybe subconsciously or not that much) with getting the other girl's IG. But, i was honestly out to socialize. That was my friday out was about. Remember I told you I have 0 friends? well, thats why i'm working on it.

Now, guys (and gals of course) i felt awesome after that. Not gonna lie. I dont drink alcohol that much often so the kind of dizziness, the roll she made me, the approach, the talk.... you know, everything. After 4 years in a commited exclusive relationship it can feel great. It does.

I want to see her again, 100% yes. Probably because of the high she created in me. It could have been her, or another. Is the feeling inside me. But she is beautiful tho.

She works maybe a block away from my office, so we are in the same area, we have our numbers and everything. BUt I don't know.

I don't want to have a "secret". I dont want to be keeping it hid from my girlfriend. I dont want to live with the fear of being caught. That stress is way too distracting from what i'm building at my business right now.

But man, do i need a spice in my life. I've been dull. House-work-gym-home-sleep, for about 3 years. Not talking with any other girl. Not partying, no friends, no social life. I'm exhausted. Its a necessary period in my life, yes. I go with it, yes. But i'm tired.

There comes sex - business balance. We have been having sex like once a week, at most. We did yesterday sunday, 15min normal, regular-ass, relationship sex. And i was like... why TF it has to be like this. We are both so tired that when we get to the bed, we just pass out.

She has been working her ass out too, so I honestly understand her.

I told her a couple months ago that I was feeling like a lion on a cage, pacing around, looking at preys, but contained to not do anything. I feel that in my sexual way.

I want to talk with her again about this feeling, and proposing her we "outsource" our libido generation (lollll) with a girl. I need to have more sex. I honestly do. Hot steamy, animal, draining sex. I mean, i more than love our "love making" sex, the one with care, where we can recharge ourselves of love and energy. But also the animal one.

And I feel her libido is not the same as before, i get it, work and life gets in the way sometimes. Tiredness comes in the way.

So idk. How do I talk about it with her (not precisely the "hey i was picked up by a beautiful girl the other day") but the "hey, i want (need) to do this, and I want to do it with you because i dont want to hurt your trust" but i want to either get the threesome idea rolling, or (idk if that is too much) being able to talk/see other girls. I'm not looking to open the relationship tho. I don't want to change her. I just need, the thrill of the hunt, and the energy of sex. I'm like a fucking caged lion.

And also, idk if i should write to the other girl (most likely not of course, but playing with fire is fun sometimes, don't lie about it.. lol. until you get burn, thats true)

So yea. Thats the relationship advice i'm looking for.

TL;DR. I'm in a commited relationship with my girlfriend, but I feel bored, I need to spice up my/our sex and social life but I don't know how to approach again without hurting her feelings.