Pets during video calls?

Question

Me (24M) and my gf (22F) have been dating for almost 5 months now. Recently something came up that I’ve tried to not read into too much but it feels strange, even for an LDR. Some two months ago, I adopted a stray cat that showed up at my house (now neutered and vaxxed so he’s good) and when I first told her that I was going to adopt him she got a bit upset. It took a while to get her to tell me what was wrong and she eventually told me that she was feeling envious for reasons she couldn’t understand, but I could tell it was brought on by the cat. English isn’t her first language, so discussing it was hard to do anyway. I asked about this to this subreddit a while back and while most either called it crazy or understandable, others chalked it up to feelings brought on by the distance. I’m sure most of us know that distance brings out insecurities we never knew we had, so I decided not to think too much of it. I thought if I showed her that she was just as much a part of his life as I am it might help her feelings a bit, I even let her pick his name. But during times when it was just me and her calling, he (the cat) would come up to me and started rubbing all over me and trying to get my attention (as cats do). I would just pick him up and set him aside or pet him offscreen, but her mood would still change to annoyed or a bit passive aggressive. Once I stepped outside to bring him inside and kissed behind his neck (this is also something I’ve always done with cats I owned at my parent’s place) and it really seemed to set her off. Not like a tantrum but passive aggressive and not responding to what I said or when I asked what was wrong for almost a full half hour. I dropped it for a week but was a bit weirded out by it. Fast forward to a couple weeks later, last Friday, and she admits to me that the reason she gets a bit upset whenever my cat comes on the screen is because she feels like he’s distracting me from her and she wants to be the 100% priority whenever we talk. For the record, I always listen to her when she speaks on the phone and I am able to pet a cat and focus on what someone is saying at the same time, and I’m not trying to downplay her feelings either. But something about this still feels weird. She hasn’t shown herself to be a controlling person since we’ve been together, she’s always been cool with me spending time with my friends and family, but to be that bothered by a cat climbing on me while I talk still feels a bit overkill. It’s not like I’m playing with him constantly while she talks, I just pet him a bit and set him aside when he’s in my space. She also clarified that I’m allowed to kiss my cat, but she doesn’t want to see it because she thinks kissing pets is weird. I offered to put him outside the room when we call and she was satisfied, but this still feels weird even for an LDR. She’s coming over from her country in a couple weeks, so I’ll be able to see how she handles the cat in real life. I’m very much a “if you don’t like my pets then I don’t like you” type of person so if she still has issues with him when she’s here in person then I’ll know this issue might be bigger than I thought. Something that I realize about LDRs are the fact that since our online selves are so tailored, it’s harder to spot weird insecurities and red flags in a person online than face to face. I don’t want to make a big deal out of something that might just be a minor hiccup, but I think I’ll make a mental note of in case anything happens in the future, but what do y’all think?

For the record she also told me that she loves my other cats (that live with my parents) and she loves animals, so it’s not like she hates pets or anything. She also acknowledged that this feeling is a bit strange, so it’s not like she thinks this is something totally normal.

Posted Dec 1, 2025, 6:55 PM UTC

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