Day 1 I was sick and tired, full of anxiety, 295lbs (again) I had been lifting weights through the year but my diet was off. I have never felt worst panic attacks, back pain, no sleep, high anxiety, high blood ferritin levels. T at 270. 

Day 3 I found out I had a blood infection and low T. 

Day 5. I started enclomiphene for the low t (a drug that tells your body to produce testosterone, not injecting t.) and I started antibiotics for my blood infection. (Microplasm infection caused by moldy work environment) 

Day 30 started to feel better, stopped getting dizzy and nauseous, and started running for the second work out instead of just walking. Lifting weights in the morning per usual. 

Day 65 I found I have extreme obstruction sleep apnea due to broken noses when younger. Have not gotten this dealt with yet

Day 75, I feel strong, I am sleeping better, i have completed 75 hard. But I am full of sadness. My depression and determination lead me to this victory. I didn’t lose as much weight as I wanted to but that is fine. 

My sadness come from this push and drive to complete this program feels fleeting. Today is day one of complete and I am tired and sore, I do not intend to stop, but I feel my will power shaken, the 75 days of personal perfection makes me scared to slide back into my bad habits. I intend to continue. I guess I am just worried I won’t. It’s like my mind gained no hardness, because I still don’t trust myself to do the right thing. 

Please tell me to keep going! Ha ha I need some encouragement today. 

Finished- 32m 6ft 295-278lbs recomp work went well, added muscle lost fat, full of sadness now. Scared of being complete.