How does no contact feel for the person that initiated it?

My best friend and I had a secret affair thats going on and off (a sexually charged situationship basically). And yesterday he decided that we should go separate ways to let our feelings fade. I'm proud of him for being the one to break cycle that arent great for the both of us (we both find it draining) even though we love each other (but not inlove with each other ykwim) because if i were to be in charge i'd just choose to endure everything and stay because i was contented with just him. I agree with his decision but now i feel so lost and sad. It wasn't the affair i'm afraid to lose, it was him. And now i dont know what to do. I wanna talk to him but since he's the one that has made the decision i'm afraid he might not welcome me and might just resent me for interrupting his break. We have different ways of coping i wanted to talk about it so it would ease my anxiety and clarify things. I feel so empty and my chest physically hurts :( does he even feel the same way? I cant even ask. :( i've been expressing my feelings anywhere but im not feeling any relief. Only he can probably ease the pain :(