how do you heal your inner teenager?

I grew up in a very small town from prek until senior year, where everybody knew everybody. My graduating class was around 200 kids. I did get bullied occasionally, but most of it happened behind my back. I felt it in the way my peers would react when they heard my name or how they would look at me. It was heartbreaking to feel that during my developmental years because all I wanted was to make new friends but it felt like I wasn’t allowed to outgrow their perspective of me. Like junior year, I assumed that I was holding myself back by always being quiet and never putting myself out there so I tried to talk to a popular boy I found cute. I was humiliated and bullied for it for some time. I remember the way it felt when the popular boys said my name out loud on a live stream and the other kids in the room would laugh. it haunts me.

I felt so free when I graduated. I removed all my classmates from following me and i unfollowed all of them. I did a tremendous amount of work on my confidence and allowed myself to explore who I am without the weight of my old mindset. it still creeps back in though. Whenever I see an old classmate or see what they’ve been up to I feel like I’m back to square one. I realized I’ve only been able to “heal” because I removed myself from it completely. my mind only started to allow me to remember the bullying a year ago. I don’t carry resentment or anger, it’s more like I just don’t ever want to see these people again. I don’t ever want to feel that way again. but no matter how much work I do, I still see that person in the mirror the way they see her. it feels weird when somebody likes me. I always feel afraid they might see me the way they did. and I know I didn’t ever do anything to deserve it but for some reason I just feel like an ugly goblin. Is there something I’m missing? what can I do to let this go?