Adult converts, how/why did you leave?

I apologize if this is not allowed, since I’m not excatholic at this moment. I do wish I could find a way out emotionally/mentally. (So I am not here to evangelize in any way whatsoever…I’m looking for support if I choose to leave.)

I’m an adult convert. I grew up in various Protestant spaces - evangelical, fundie, and reformed - and got pretty messed up by those: purity culture, traumatic missions work, domineering church leadership, and spiritual abuse. I slowly left over the course of several years, and after several more years of deliberation, ended up becoming Catholic. I get that it’s a weird decision. I won’t go into all my motivations here; it’s too confusing to explain. I‘m extremely hot and cold with the faith, though.

Sometimes I’m all in and happy to be that way, and other times I’m desperate to leave but afraid to. I think the things that make me want to leave the most are the pressure to conform (although sometimes I weirdly like this…it’s comforting in a way because I grew up in a controlling home), the prohibition on what seems like rather normal sexual activity (and I haaaate confessing sexual sin…it feels shameful and violating), and frustration with feeling like I have to monitor and moralize my every thought and action. Sometimes I wish I could be a chill half-in Catholic who just enjoys the ritual of Mass and beautiful music without any guilt over literally everything. But I can’t seem to do it - I’m either all in or all out, and it changes every few weeks.

I guess I’m wondering if any other adult converts had a similar experience of not being settled and ended up leaving. How was the process of deciding to leave? What was the last straw? How have things been since?

TLDR; I sort of want to leave but feel stuck and insanely conflicted. How did you manage to leave?