Can you guys give me your opinion on whether me concealed carrying a gun everywhere I go shows a lack of faith and trust in the Lord?

Hey guys,

I am a devout Catholic; I am very strong in my faith, & my catholic faith is the center of my life. I have a beautiful and very powerful level of faith, I trust the Lord and my faith in him is so strong.

However, I’m also someone who is a concealed carrier and I carry pretty much everywhere I go, everywhere where it’s legal, that is. I live in Indiana, so the only places that are off-limits are schools and court houses and certain government/federal buildings and that’s about it. In my state, we can even carry in an airport in the non-secure parts of the airport.

I haven’t been able to carry since August, as I had a mental health crisis in July which resulted in me getting hit with a red flag order in Michigan (I live in a border city and St. Joseph, Michigan is a 45 minute drive from where I live), as I drove to Silver Beach to watch my last sunset and take my own life via firearm.

However, I’ve been doing so much better, I’ve been getting treatment with a DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) IOP (intensive outpatient) program and I’ve been seeing my therapist twice weekly. When this red flag order expires in nine months, I plan on retrieving my firearms back (as I don’t have possession of any at the moment, all of mine are with the police) and getting my concealed carry permit reinstated.

However, recently, I’ve really been struggling when I think about this as I feel that me carrying a gun literally everywhere I go as a result of trauma and a rough life that I lived as a juvenile that’s caught up with me before is somehow offensive to the Lord and would make him think that I don’t trust him. On the one hand, I feel like me being armed could be construed as showing a lack of trust and faith in the Lord, and on the other hand, I also believe that God put men on this planet (among many reasons) to protect women, the elderly, the vulnerable, and their own families as the head of the household. I believe that if I am living a good and virtuous life that the Lord would not look down on me for defending myself with lethal force if someone was trying to do something awful to me or my loved ones (robbery, kidnapping, murder, rape, assault, etc.)

After hearing about cases like that Indianapolis pastor (a man of God) whose wife was raped and murdered when he forgot to lock his front door when he left for gym in the morning, or the Cheshire murderers where those two evil men raped the Connecticut representative’s two daughters and wife and forced him to have to hear his wife being raped while being strangled to death as well as cases like those two college kids who were dating in Knoxville, TN (Murders of Channon Christian and Christopher Newsom), I gotta tell you, I always want to be protected. (by the way do not look at the details of these cases unless you really can handle it, It’s intense)

I’m very very very conflicted on this because I don’t think that my heavenly father would want me to essentially allow these types of things to happen if someone used/uses their free will to try to do evil to me or my family in this type of way. I truly in my heart don’t believe that the Lord would have any problem with me taking someone’s life to defend my family from grave bodily harm or death if it was absolutely necessary; but I still can’t shake this feeling that somehow me carrying firearms everywhere I go (including Mass) shows a lack of faith or a lack of trust in him. I’m very very, very conflicted on this and was wondering if you guys could expound upon this and give me your thoughts and opinions.

Sorry for the long post, thanks for reading for all those who made it this far