Feeling lost in spirituality-Looking for help or guidance

I need help…. i don’t know how to describe how I feel about spirituality and what I’ve been doing lately and maybe get some advice, but I’m not really sure where to start. I feel a little bit conflicted. I’m not really guilty or ashamed, but my brain and my intuition sometimes tell me not to use certain things or do certain things because I was raised a certain way. I guess my brain’s just kind of not working with me on this and I needed some help or understanding.

I know things because I grew up around paganism, I guess that’s what you would call it, or maybe spirit work. My mom did tarot readings and my aunt on my grandma’s side would be deemed witchy. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been able to see things, so I’ve always been drawn to this kind of thing, but at the same time I’ve always been super scared of the things I would see. And lately I’ve been getting the same energy as I did when I was a kid, that same feeling I did not like, and I don’t want that here and I don’t want that around my daughter.

I tried getting into Christianity. I was raised Christian I guess, my grandma was Christian. I guess what you would call religious trauma came from the way I was treated as a kid by my grandma. But at the same time I tried to get into it recently. I don’t want to seem like one of those people that did something wrong or evil and then tried to make up for it by getting into Christianity. That’s not the case. Like I said, I’ve been feeling a feeling of longing or connection I guess.

But my mom did things my grandma would call witchcraft so I grew up around both. I even had my own tarot cards. I don’t know if that’s relevant or not. They were gifted to me but they disappeared. I have no idea where they went. I had two sets actually. I bought one from Hot Topic and my mom kind of helped me learn them, and then my aunt gave me some that had like bugs and stuff on them. They were super cool. They were little oval cards and had a cloth and everything. But anyway.

Now I want to get more into spirituality but I don’t know what to do or where to start. I did make a simmer pot using AI. I know simmer pots are about intention. I guess they’re kind of spirit work, I have no idea, I really don’t know. Never mind. I just know they’re about intention. The only reason I used AI was because I wanted to know what the herbs and ingredients were used for. I could have looked it up myself but it was easier to just do the voice‑to‑speech thing. I feel like the simmer pot worked because the intention behind it was there, but I also feel like using AI for it was kind of spiritually wrong.

I want protection work, maybe ancestor work, maybe something easy to start with so I can work up from there. I don’t know if this is any relevance but my husband is Hispanic, he’s Mexican, he was born in Guatemala. I don’t know if any of that ties in. I’m pretty sure I’m Italian. I don’t want to say I am and I’m not. My last name is Turco and I’ve always felt a pull to that. I’m pretty sure it means non‑Christian Italian, which is kind of funny. But I don’t want to accidentally go down the wrong path, especially with things that can make someone angry or stir up energy in a way that I do not want. I want to be respectful, safe, and intentional.

I’ve also been drawn to collecting rocks and crystals. My mom does too. I grew up spiritually inclined but lately I feel like part of me is, I don’t want to say shutting off, but I don’t know what it is. I just don’t feel as connected to it as I did when I was younger. I want to get back into it, understand things better, get rid of the negative energy like I said, and maybe ground myself a little bit.

That’s kind of where I am. I want guidance, suggestions, or just thoughts from people who would understand. I felt like this group would help me. I want something that feels approachable and safe but still lets me explore intuition, energy, and the practices that call to me. Any help.