Has anyone experience mental resistance as a believer?

I'll explain what I meant.

When I was a believer, I was restless and very angry with everything that has to do Islam. Every single thing, be it when Quran was mentioned, dawah contents, ustaz ceramah/advice, revert stories and Friday prayer, and I experience intense mental resistance to those things. I feel mentally and physically closed off because I don't want to pander to it, not even a single energy. It intensified and deepened my hate to believers around me because it is inescapable.

Now as a murtad, I feel more open to it and less resistance, and my anger and hate has shifted away. Now I can engage with the rituals, activities and contents calmly and with curiosity, something I rarely feel before all these years.

Am I the only one who experienced this?