I'm in love with my coworker, but did I f up?

What should I do: I'm in love with my coworker, but I think I kinda fucked up. Two years ago, a new coworker joined the company. I noticed him immediately, but I was in another department, so I barely saw him. After a year, I moved to the same department, and I silently crushed on him hard, but I never thought I had any chance. I also saw him on Bumble and liked him, but he never liked me back. We never really talked. I talk to most of my coworkers, but with him I was always so nervous and didn’t know what to say, and he also didn’t make much effort either. Then, half a year ago, there was an opportunity to go sailing with a few coworkers for a week, and he was one of the people going. I signed up partly because he went, but I didn’t think much of it. On the second day, he suddenly asked me to put sunscreen on his back. I did, and then he asked me to massage him, which I also did. When I stopped, he put his arm around me. Other coworkers were around too. I didn’t think anything of it, but later, when people started going to sleep and only one coworker couple was still there with us, the couple randomly said, “Repeat after us,” and then they kissed. I was so shocked because I finally realized what was happening. I just stuttered, “But we’re coworkers.” It was super awkward and quiet for a few seconds. After that, the couple left. I looked at him and asked if he wanted to make out, and he said yes. After some time, he said, “Let’s go to sleep,” and we did. The next few days were really weird. He acted like nothing had happened the entire next day, but at night he came to my room. We made out. I was also talking about my other hookups and acting like this didn’t mean anything to me, like it was just for fun, and he agreed. But deep down, I wished he wanted something more — to get to know each other. After that, we had sex. After that, he ignored me for the rest of the trip. I even asked one of the guys why is he like that and he said that he doesn't want to do anything with me infront of others, but that doesn't make sence because he was the one who started this in front of others in the beginning. On the last day, I got really drunk and kind of begged him to have sex again, and we did. But the next morning he ignored me again. I asked him if we could continue things, and he gave a short answer about how we don’t live in the same city. At some point on the boat, when he was ignoring me, I even cried in my room because I felt hurt. It's weird to me to have sex with someone and then be ignored like that. When I got home, I cried again for a month. I still hoped that maybe our relationship would slowly progress — at least that we’d talk more. After the trip, I missed a lot of work because of the holidays, and when I came back, we did talk a bit more. Then I made a stupid mistake: I wrote him on Instagram, asking him really directly to come over to have sex. I thought it would convince him to come over so I could talk to him in private about everything. But he replied that he didn’t want anything with a coworker, which made no sense because he was the one who initiated everything on the boat. I told him it already happened, so what difference does it make, and he left me on read. We haven’t talked since. Two months later, we had a work event, and he was flirting with another coworker, even though he told me the reason he didn’t want anything with me was because we’re coworkers — which crushed me. I also talked with another coworker who said he’s “looking for the one,” but at the same time I see him with many girls. I went to therapy, trying to forget him, but I still have so many questions about what happened on the boat — why he lied to me, why he’s ignoring me now. I regret pretending I didn’t like him because I genuinely do and would love to get to know him as a person. And I feel like I fucked up. Should I go to him and ask him to give me another chance and confess my feelings, or should I move on with my life and forget him forever? I still have some hope in me but at the same time I feel like I'm just blinded by my feeling and this guy doesn't give an f about me and I'm delusional