Transitioning off lidocaine I feel so discouraged

any ladies with vaginismus care to share any insight if they used lidocaine while dilating and the process of transitioning off of lidocaine? I was prescribed lidocaine two months ago and I’ve made such significant process with it with the wand and dilators. I went from not being able to place a q-tip in there all the way up to size five of the intimate rose dilators in 4 months since I started pelvic floor PT.

at my monthly check in with my pt today, she used her finger to assess my pelvic floor and it hurt when she pushed. she had me use the pelvic wand for the first time without lidocaine and I could barely insert it more than an inch without the burning and really sore pain. she had me do some visualization, she said im so used to being numb with the lidocaine and not having sensation that when my body is actually feeling sensation it’s tightening up and it’s making it hurt more because everything is contracting. I can’t describe how discouraging it was today, just feeling that pain was still there when I felt like I was making such progress with the dilators , but in reality, when I take away the lidocaine it just hurts.

she’s now wants me to do one wand and dilating session per week without the lidocaine and then continue the other times I dilate in the week witg the lidocaine. I feel defeated and just angry at my body again, it comes in waves. does anyone have any experience with this :(