Will I let everyone down including myself if I'm too scared to transition.

I have a lot of things holding me back from transitioning. I also have a ton of support. I'm so trans everyone around me is highly aware. My family is a mix of supportive straights and gays. Everyone I meet gives me a huge smile, asks my pronouns even without me saying anything. I am just scared to transition. It has been trailing on for yearssssss. I keep on weighing out my issues with why I wont commit. (mind you I have tried multiple e methods, pills, patches, gels etc.)

1. I hate the political climate right now, I'm honestly so scared with any twist or turn (I hate the administration having control over my current and future body, I don't want to deal with future financial trouble tied with transitioning, I am also scared the admin will seek us out one day.)

2. I have red hair... I have hear that is really hard to laser off. I would have a really hard time mid transition being told "no" at any point. I don't want facial hair I have always shaved it off every second.

3. I am not attracted to women... at all. like to me women are just like the blank bodied part naked dolls with gorgeous hair and face and I literally don't think anything sexual about them, so its hard not being attracted to women's features and to be like (do I want boobs... they look like they will be in the way all the time or awkward) I am not mad at my societally defined male features, I have made them fem in my own way the whole time.

4. I HATE medical environments, I am scared if I commit I will be chained to a medical environment the rest of my life. I hate doctors, I have so much trauma from them I have even had a gay medical doctor at a queer facility tell me "non-binary people aren't candidates for transition." and I had to report him.

5. I do so much outdoor stuff in my line of work, I have to camp multi day trips to be out in the field... I have seen diabetics leave the industry because they cant keep up with their insulin what makes me think I could keep up with my hormones. All in all this is something I really want because its been on my mind for like a decade. Everyone in my family is patient with me and understands I'm in internal turmoil. I am prickly if people get my pronouns wrong, "sir" hurts the most. I cant find a local therapist to support my questions. Everyone around me is obviously gay or straight and I dont have anyone to talk about this stuff. I have tried all other forms of hormone methods and all of them had horrible effects my last resort is injections.

also 6. I like my version of transness for myself but society and men make me feel so uncomfortable in femininity. I hate how women are treated, I hate how sensitive I will become towards my features even more. I am used to gay sex culture, which is a lot easier to navigate then being a trans women and being sexualized in weird off ways. It used to be something I was excited for, but now it feels like something I will need to be hiding and running with the rest of my life.

7. I also ask myself... am I just too lazy to transition?