Need advice for Christmas

I'll be home ^(banned) for the holidays

My brother has decided I am specifically not allowed to attend Christmas and he is adamant that it happens at his house with my other siblings and my parents; probably so he can have the authority to prevent me from coming.

How do you cope with being banned from attending your own family Christmas?

My therapist and I have worked out that why would I want to be somewhere with people who don't want to be around me or don't care for me - the answer is, I don't.

The struggle part is that it's hurtful. Additionally that my parents choose to remain "neutral," which hurts worse. I feel like I am dead and they've moved on since I died.... except I am not dead.

If one of my kids (I have none) wanted to exclude someone in our family from a family event then I would exclude myself as well. Like "If you don't want [name] here then I don't want to be here. It's not a family event if it doesn't include family."

That's what my grandma did. My aunts were adamant that if my uncle is gay then he can't be part of their family gatherings. My grandma said fine, no one will be welcome for Christmas or everyone will be welcome. She passed over a decade ago.

Their actions are doing the opposite of setting me up for success. It's like they want me to react poorly so they can justify their actions. It feels like they want to sabotage me so they can say, told you so, that's why you aren't welcome. It's like they're trying to give wine to an alcoholic and then bringing up every trigger they have to make them want to drink.

Any feedback is welcome and desired feedback.