
Hi guys, this is my first time posting here so please be kind :)

I’ve been a part of a local theater group on and off for most of my life. They are heavily involved in community events in town outside of the theater productions themselves. 

There is a Christmas concert coming up that my boyfriend and I were asked to participate in. For some context, one of his friends is newly dating the daughter of the choir director for this group. 

In years past most, if not all, communication for events like this was done strictly through the director. Aka the director would email/text me directly to see if I could participate in xyz event. But now my boyfriend’s friend does a lot of the communication on their behalf as a sort of middle man. 

So the friend called my boyfriend the other night and asked if we both are able to participate in this Christmas concert. At the time we both said “ehh maybe” but eventually he ended up telling his friend that we would do it despite me telling him in private that I didn’t want to/ couldn’t because I’m working full time and going to school and just don’t have time to take on something else right now. 

So the choir director starts emailing out music for us to learn and I’m asking my boyfriend what’s going on, because this entire time I was never directly asked nor did I ever directly agree to participate. I also had told him in private that I couldn’t participate. I didn’t know who knew what because of all the back and forth, so I do what I feel like is the responsible thing and email the choir director the attached message. (I redacted names for anonymity)

I thought it was friendly and professional, and I even had another friend look over it to see if it was okay to send. 

Anyway, I never got a reply so I assumed all was well. But after the first rehearsal came and went, my boyfriend said that they talked about me at the rehearsal and the choir director found the message to be in poor taste. 

The director’s exact quote was “I’ll always hold a special place in my heart for [me], but that message was a bit distasteful”. 

I didn’t mean to throw his friend under the bus and even now looking back at the message I don’t think I did. Apparently the friend is upset I didn’t go to her about this. But my goal was to end all the back and forth and the friend is not the choir director/ organizer of the event!!

I would also like to reinforce that the choir director did NOT reply to my email, and everything I’ve heard about the situation since sending the message has been secondhand through my boyfriend. (Aka continuing the game of telephone I tried to end by reaching out to them directly 🙃)

So am I overreacting?? I feel like I didn’t do anything bad and I tried to handle the situation as best as I could. I’m feeling pretty upset that my message was received so poorly when I was just trying to make sure everyone was on the same page!!

AIO Choir director called my email “distasteful”