grew up in a toxic family

25 year old man trying to focus on my future, grew up in a home full of constant fighting and arguing. parents always fighting but never divorce, they created an environment that left me with a lot of traumas. I was that kid who compared my family to others and wondered why mine couldn’t be normal. Things were so bad that at 16, I actually escaped from home because I couldn’t take it anymore.

I’ve struggled with extreme social phobia since high school in other word i start vibrating and unable to talk in front of strange or a lot of people. never feeling loved or supported. also an older sister who drains me and a younger brother who doesn’t let me sleep or focus. I spend most of my time in cafés just to breathe. On top of all that, the worst part now is i developed colon disease that affects both my mental - physical health and at work.

I’m seriously thinking about renting my own place even though im not ready, i just want peace. I’m writing this from a café, holding back my tears, because Im not that strong to talk about this in front of people — so I’m sharing it here on Reddit.

so living in a toxic envirement is not also free and if you can rent don’t hesitate.