I dont deserve to be loved

I cant imagine anyone loving me and im sooo unhappy i cant go on. I cant make good connections with people i always end up hating my friends, im so lazy and idk if i can go on like this. Seeing people having smth to do everyday and going out not just online but irl makes me so envious like how come they have smth to live for. How come they get to live these lavish lives, traveling, parties, friends while i do nothing all day. All i think abt is ending it but im too scared to do it.