AIO / I don't think I can accept

good evening, and thank you to those who will read me.

I'm a young woman (22) and I can't forget my first love. I met a boy on Twitter when I was 15, we talked often then during confinement, around the age of 17, he asked me for my personal contact and since then we haven't been apart. He lived in Liège (Belgium) and I in Lille (France), so it was a long-distance relationship but we were so close that it didn't bother us. We were young and we were madly in love. We had both taken three-hour train journeys several times to get there. We even “married” on our own without church or town hall just with a speech between us and cheap wedding rings.. It was and still is today my first and great love. I experienced my mother's illness with him, my real first times, absolute tenderness and gifts to make you dream: letters full of love sent to my address, surprise visits, even though he lived 200km away. I experienced with him the floods of Liège which ravaged his house as well as his diagnosis of Crohn's disease. Unfortunately, his mother didn't like me. She told me I was too fat, and when I dropped out of school it was worse, she told me my life would be nothing but misery and I would become pathetic. As his mother was cruel to me, and he did nothing I told him that he had to choose between me or his mother, we had been together for almost two years.. unfortunately he chose his mother and I decided to leave.

I left on January 7, 2023, and since that day my heart has been hurting. Although I have had other relationships, including one I am currently in, I can't help but think about him and sometimes I still cry. I reread the letters he sent me and as soon as I hear a reunion song, I think of him. I now find myself going to see what he is doing on social media less and less because it hurts me more and more.

after our breakup, 2 weeks later, he went out with a girl who is a double of his mother but younger.. with her, he does everything he promised me later, trips around the world, couple shoots, and everything that goes with it.

God I hurt

When we left, he told me that he had a dream that we were going to meet again in 10 years, deep down, I'm looking forward to 2033, hoping that maybe it's true?

I miss him, I miss his tenderness, I miss my first love, I miss our chemistry, I miss his affection, I miss his angel face..

What should I do? I am currently in a relationship with a boy who is really adorable. From the first time we met, he told me that I reminded him of Nastenka in the book “White Nights” by Dostoyevsky. for those who don't know who this girl is, she's a young girl who is desperately waiting for her first love who promised to come back, you should know that my current boyfriend doesn't know this story at all and the fact that he told me that the first times we met made me feel strange because I had the impression that people saw me as if I was an open book