Coming up to one year..

It's been a minute since I've been on here. Maybe that speaks to progress?

I remember this time last year; the confusion, the conflict, the hurt, the tears, the gaslighting. (Feel free to read my older posts)

All of it was so disorienting.
And then December 10th happened and it made more sense. Not a lot though. It still doesn't make a lot of sense. But then I knew there was another woman. Someone else he had fallen 'in love' with. So he left the house, me and our two kids. I guess technically he didn't leave the kids. He sees them still. You'd think I'd be grateful for that but it's what I hate most about all of this. We have a 3yo daughter and a 1yo son.

I keep thinking that their relationship will implode. Maybe it will (it probably will), but it doesn't matter if it doesn't. We're one year in to this and the damage is done; there are just some things you don't come back from.

I keep hoping for justice, whatever that looks like. Maybe I already see the justice but it doesn't feel severe enough.
He's unemployed, living in his mom's basement and not paying child support - what a catch, and he gets the part-time, fun-dad gig.

The kids and I are okay though. I was on maternity leave when he left, but I'm working now and enjoying my job, I'm working on getting the house in my name and surviving Christmas as a single-mom.

I don't know what I would've done if I had known the path required of me this past year at the beginning. I don't know what will happen but one of the most important things I've learned is that peace is something you need to fight for (ironic) and it's something that I can control. There were so many choices made for me this past year but I know now that I can choose peace in the chaos.

Maybe somebody else has learned that too. I know the girl I was is gone but this new girl isn't so bad. A little tender but that's okay. I like being more tender, I like moving a little slower and I like my quite nights in after bedtime.

The end of something always means there's a new beginning.