AITA for wanting to leave my child’s father while he has congestive heart failure?

Backstory: Me (30F) and my child’s father (30M) have been dating since November 2023 and we had our first child in October 2024, yes I know it was fast. I also have three other kids from previous engagement (9, 8 and 5). When we first started dating, he told me about his history of CHF, that it hadn’t flared up in a few years and basically we’d handle it if/when it became a problem again. In December of 2023, I ended up getting laid off from job and he graciously covered my bills for me. In February of 2024 we found out we were pregnant and we were so excited.

In March of 2024, I started cramping so I decided to go to the ER while he was at work to check on the baby and found out we were having TWINS. We were ecstatic and joking about needing a minivan for all the kids now. The excitement didn’t last too long because in April of 2024, I started to spot at home and passed some blood clots. I was so scared so he called off work and we went to the ER together. The doctor confirmed we lost one of our twins, later I’d find out it was our son. After this I just sobbed and was so sad because we lost a baby AND I was worried we would lose our other. During this time he completely abandoned me emotionally and physically and I had to deal with this loss alone.

After that, we agreed that we’d get an apartment together once my lease was up to save money and to raise our remaining child as a family. Me and the three kids moved in after school let out in June and everything was okay at first. Because of losing one twin, I had to start seeing a MFM doctor since I was now considered high risk and they basically didn’t want me doing anything. Our apartment was on the second floor, so the stairs were kind of a bitch but I didn’t complain. He’d go to work and while he was gone I’d clean the whole apartment, hang out with the kids and checked his location to see when he was pulling out of work so I’d have dinner ready for him when he got home.

This is when the issues started. He would just come home and immediately pass out on the couch and wouldn’t spend time with me or the kids. On the weekends he’d sleep the whole time or stay in the bedroom playing videos games and talking in discord with his buddies. I brought it up that I wish we’d do more family things together and he kind of brushed it off, but said he’d do better. We ended up booking a beach trip in July of 2024 with his bonus check from work, around the same time his health started to decline. The whole time we were on vacation I was still having to take care of everyone alone, clean up the Airbnb, do the dishes etc while he laid around. During this time, I also told him we needed to use some of his bonus check to purchase a bigger vehicle since it would be six of us and all we had was a Toyota Camry. He once again brushed me off and never went to get another vehicle…

In August the kids started back to school and since we never got another vehicle, I had to wake the kids up at 4am, get them dressed, drive him to work by 5am, drive back home, have them get ready for school and then I took them to school. While I was home alone I didn’t usual chores then I’d go pick up the kids from school and wait outside his job until he got off. We did this for about a month until he started missing work because the CHF was flaring up.

In September he went to his cardiologist and he told him his heart was functioning at 30% an that he needed to change his eating habits and sedentary lifestyle to help his heart get stronger. He absolutely refused …. He started started doordashing all his meals, just laid in the bed and would shower for sometimes over a month at a time. I tried to be understanding because it was big blow for him but he shut me out. He’d spend his time playing COD until 3am in the morning and then sleep all day so I’d have to still do school pick up and drop off while I was supposed to be on bedrest (I’m 8 months pregnant at this point). I ended up moving out of the bedroom and sleeping on the couch that same month because his BO and constantly farting was making me nauseous and I couldn’t handle it.

In October I started to have contractions during my 36 week visit and they once again urged me to slow down and take it easy. He was there and knew all of this, but he still got upset because I got winded taking the stairs to get the kids to and from school. He ended up having to take them the last three weeks or so of my pregnancy. We had an ultrasound done and the MFM doctor told us that my daughter was large and I’d most likely need an induction to keep from getting 3rd or 4th degree tears again because I hemorrhaged and almost died the first time.

We went to the hospital on October 24 to begin my induction and things were not progressing very well. Thank God my mom was there because he slept on the couch basically the whole time I was in labor. I labored for 41 hours and then pushed for 2 hours before they finally told me I’d have to have my very first c-section. I was panicking and freaking out so bad that they told him they were going to have to sedate me if I didn’t calm down. The last thing I remember was being put on the OR table sobbing and grabbing the doctor’s wrist and begging her not to let anything happen to my baby. When I woke up I was being put back in a regular bed and he was holding our daughter. I started sobbing again because I missed one of my kids being born for the very first time. After we got back to the room I started hemorrhaging and passing clots that were bigger than a softball so I had to be given pills up my backend to stop it or I’d have to go back under for surgery. Thankfully the pills worked and the bleeding calmed down. I had to stay in the hospital an extra three days but we were finally able to go home the day before Halloween.

When we got home he was being super nice and attentive. I slept in the recliner in the living room since it had the function that would raise you up and down in the seat and it was a godsend after my c-section. He stay in the living room until we fell asleep, get up every time she cried and I finally thought I was getting back the man I fell in love with. As I started moving around more and healing, he started to be around less and less until he was once again confined to his room playing video games and not showering. I remained on the couch and my mom purchased a bedside bassinet that I let the baby sleep in next to me. I was once again responsible for all the diapers, baths, and waking up with her while I was still trying to recover and I can honestly say that I started to resent him then.

Now it’s been about 14 months (December 2025 now) since he worked and I feel like things have gotten even worse. We got into an argument a few months ago and he straight up told me he only helped me after my c-section because he thought it’d make me went to move back into the bedroom with him :( I started back working in March when our baby was 5 months old because we needed the extra money and it’s a remote position so I wouldn’t have to go anywhere or use any extra gas. He complained about watching her while I worked and sometimes I’d end up having to hold her in my lap while trying to work at the same time. In September 2025, I also decided I wanted to try and finish up my schooling since she was almost a year old and not nearly as much a handful. He’s still not working so he’s handling taking the kids to and from school and gets her while I work or do homework … some of the time.

I asked him if he’d help me out a little because I was struggling and it wasn’t fair for me to work, go to school and do all the household chores. I only asked him to help by maybe loading the washer, cleaning up the kitchen or just sweeping up a little and he said he can either 1. Help me around the house and end up dying in the process or 2. He could continue being lazy and die alone … yeah I know, just insane. We’ve tried to have several other talks about things but he always laughs at me, reverses what I say to blame me or just shuts himself in his bedroom.

I’m to the point to where I’m ready to leave him and I’ve told him this. He starts getting upset saying I’m abandoning him, I never really loved him, and that I’m just ignorant because I don’t understand what he’s going through. It would be different if he followed his doctor’s order and still didn’t get better, BUT he didn’t even try and isn’t trying to get better. He’s suggested couples counseling but I told him we need to do individual counseling and he laughed in my face and told me that couple counseling handled that too.. I was like “I don’t think that’s how that works” and he laughed again and told me I didn’t know what I was talking about and that he’s been before so I just needed to be quiet basically lol.

So… AITA for wanting to leave my child’s father with CHF?