does it ever get better?

It's been bad for almost 6 years now and it just keeps on getting worse. I feel like I get better but then I go back down again. Does it actually get better? I can't do this for much longer. I keep relapsing with my sh and yesterday it got bad, like really bad and when I'm "in the right" state of mind I'm scared I might commit cause I know when I'm alone at night, when it's just me and my thoughts, I will do it and idk. Maybe it's just really silly.