I can't fucking sleep and it's ruining my life and getting help is impossible

I've slept like shit since I was a kid (26 now). Had too much else to deal with + didn't realize "everyone doesn't feel like this" + 0 supportive adults in my life to really deal with it until now. It's gotten so much worse over the past 2 years that I can literally barely stay awake during the day, and it only gets worse as time goes on.

I generally sleep terribly no matter what I do (4-5 hours), but even on rare days I can sleep longer (like up to 12h) I feel just as shitty. I have nightmares, wake up during the night, can't fall asleep, can't fall back asleep, etc. I have 0 energy and it's made it so difficult to just maintain my life. I wake up as exhausted as when I go to bed, my eye always hurt, it's so hard to think, I'm literally just wasting away

I've been trying to get a sleep study done since June 2025. Doctor had an at-home one done first since it was fastest (came up negative), and then I was supposed to have an in-clinic sleep study done at the beginning of October, but the appointment got canceled when my insurance changed (went from not having a job to having a job lol) and the clinic didn't take it - my fucking bad I guess.

Kinda just sat defeated for a while until today when I managed to get off my ass and start calling nearby(ish) places. Anywhere that I could get in for a consult was booked out to at least June 2026, and anywhere I could just have a study done I need a referral from my doctor for, specifically (more time wasted waiting for them to do that and then maybe I could get in soon-ish but who tf knows)

I'm honestly ready to give up, I've been having intense suicidal thoughts I haven't had in years. I know this doesn't sound like much and realistically I just have to wait, but I'm so exhausted of feeling this shitty constantly, and it just combines with everything else I have going on, and I'm so fucking done. Everything else in my life is pretty much on hold until I can get this resolved because it's nearly impossible to get anything done in this state.