Holy shit i hate doing drugs

I have addiction problems and recently it’s been fairly manageable. There’s some stuff going on in my personal life that I won’t get into but it made me relapse so hard. I’m never completely “sober” because I self medicate my ADHD. The last few days have been hell though, basically trying my best to stop feeling shitty. Best part is, I still felt shitty and like I had a lobotomy for a few days. I can’t even talk to anyone about what’s causing it and it sucks.