Morning depression/suicidal thoughts

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, or why I get this way. But on mornings when I have to wake up early (most days, for work), I feel suicidal. Getting out of bed when I’m tired, cold, and already depressed, is genuinely the worst part of my day. I wake up every morning in such a negative headspace. All I can do is cry and I have to force myself out of bed. I’m late to work a lot because of this. The thoughts are so bad, that I would rather kms than go back to bed, despite only wanting to sleep longer. But after I get to work, make my cup of coffee, I start to feel better. It lasts about 45 minutes (of intense suicidal thoughts), and then slowly gets better easier throughout the day.

Waking up early is making my mental health deteriorate. It’s just getting worse and worse every day. I know this probably sounds ridiculous. I’m just so tired of this. I hate starting off my mornings in such a dark headspace.