I feel completely lost and afraid of the future

I have a lot on my mind right now so this might end up being really disjointed, so I apologize in advance if this isn’t coherent at all.

I don’t feel like the future has much in store for me. I’m from a very religious country, and I can barely speak the language cause my parents were unknowingly (I hope so anyway) very neglectful. I’m now in 10th grade with almost no communication skills and two english speaking friends, who are the only people I talk to nowadays, which isn’t great when one of them is comically manipulative and impossible to talk to when he’s in a bad mood. I could whine and complain about him all day, but I won’t cause I’ve done that quite enough. Just know he’s one of those people that “don’t have social anxiety” and does almost anything to have eyes on him. I also can’t just “stop being friends” with him, because he WILL take it personally and harass me or my family. My grades have been awful recently. I’m behind in almost all my subjects, which is completely on me, but it’s definitely making things a lot worse. My friends are also studying for the SAT right now, and if I’m being honest, I have no clue where to even start with that. I’m already completely lost with where I am, so I’m just waiting a bit more. I’m ashamed of almost all of my hobbies cause they’re not the “standard” here I guess? I can’t explain it cause I’m tired, but if I told anyone I knew that I did music production and listened to albums, they’d think less of me somehow. So my friends and family just have no clue what I’m doing when I go back home. That might be a non-issue, but I just constantly feel alienated from everyone. I’m way too envious of anyone who has the freedom to express themselves in their country. Just going online makes me upset cause I get to see people living the life I want, which is so unbelievably corny to say, but I just fucking wish I could be myself. I hate thinking of myself a couple of years from now cause I just don’t know what I’m gonna do. I don’t have aspirations that coincide with the “culture” around here, so I just feel kind of hopeless. Love is a whole other can of worms cause I have to go through a fucking arranged marriage when I’m older, which I’m obviously not stoked for. Dating culture just isn’t a thing here. It’s forbidden in the religion, which is another reason I’m envious. Literally anyone in most other countries gets to bond with someone and connect before spending their entire lives with each other. What the fuck do you mean I’m gonna be forced into marrying some woman I can barely talk to cause I wasn’t taught how to speak like a normal person?? I don’t wanna let that happen to me. I hate having to uphold this culture that I wasn’t taught anything about. I genuinely have no clue if I’m overthinking it all or if I’m truly fucked. I plan on ending my life after high school if I don’t figure things out, and even if it comes to that, I probably won’t out of fear. I just hope I’m being young and dramatic and that I’m less miserable when I’m older. Only time will tell.