My husband and I had been doing really well, then right back to his old ways

My husband has traditionally blamed everything on me. Mechanic does the oil change wrong and oil leaks? Naturally, my fault because I took the car to get an oil change. His dad forgetting to bring the tickets to an out of town event even though that was his only responsibility for the trip? My fault again! Because I was in the shower when my husband called for help to get the digital tickets. Now, did I call back within several minutes and get them the digital tickets so that they still got into the event on time? Absolutely, but that was all still my fault and a huge moral failing on my part to my husband. A car runs a stop sign and hits my car? My fault! Because I was in the car that was in an accident and I have to bear responsibility for it no matter who was legally at fault (my husband’s words not mine).

Which brings us to today. My husband is at work and we start getting a lot of snow. I send him some pictures of the snow accumulation at our house. We talk about him trying to leave work early and he says he’ll leave after lunch (no prompting from me to say this). I ask him if he’d rather stay at work and he says no. Now he’s on the road and his normal half hour commute is going to be nearly two hours. This is of course, all my fault. I forced him to leave work and I need to “keep my fucking bitch ass mouth shut” from now on. I also need to apologize for making him leave work and go through this. He claims that everything would have been fine if he just stayed at work.

Did I ever tell him he had to leave work? No. Did I keep him from checking the drive time before leaving work? No. Did he say he wanted to leave work to avoid getting stuck there? Yes. But it’s still all of MY fault. He will admit that he has no ability to handle stress and no coping skills. I guess his coping skills are to externalize, pin it on me, and channel all of his anger about a situation to me!

Our relationship was so bad earlier this year due to mostly my husband’s anger. Then he had really turned a corner and things had really improved. No more yelling, no cussing, no fights. I wasn’t walking on eggshells and felt very relaxed and in love.

Then today and it’s back to being called and screamed at and cussed out. I naturally have to take responsibility for everything that happens and if I don’t, I’m accused of not being able to take accountability. It doesn’t matter what logic or arguments I meet him with, I will not win. This is entirely emotional on his part so facts have no bearing. He wants to be angry, he can’t handle being angry at a situation because it’s too vague and it’s easier to be angry at someone, and I’m someone.

I’m just very defeated. I really, really thought that things had gotten better. But maybe this is just who he is and the good times are when he’s not being himself.