Drown It In Sugar

I like to drown things in sugar.

When my tea is too bitter, I drown it in sugar. It might not be healthy, but it definitely tastes better

When I'm alone and everyone is around me When I feel as if my mouth and tongue are just muscles, tendons and flesh. When they feel numb and foreign.

I drown them in sugar.

Because even though it might not be healthy,  it sure as hell tastes better.

I live in a house, shabby, but a house nonetheless. I have an old phone, food on the table, and somewhere to sleep.

But at school I see people everywhere. With their Phones and their normalized bodies and their friends that listen, and their baggy jeans that fit them just right.

And when I ask my mother about it. She tells me to be grateful. Because there are others that don't even have a shabby house, an old phone, food on the table, or somewhere to sleep.

So I feel guilty. So I feel frustrated So I feel sad. So I feel depressed.

So I drown it in sugar.

It might not be healthy, But atleast it tastes better.

And now and then when I'm down, when my blood feels like its not my own, my family don't listen and every insult and perceived slight makes me want to tie loops with my intestines and leave through that radiant door of golden light and wonderful uncertainty,

I take a deep breath.

Put on the kettle,

and make tea.

And while I stir. I drown it in sugar. It definitely isn't healthy;

It tastes too sweet.

But I drink it anyways. Because at least it tastes better.