AIO for considering legal action against my soon-to-be ex? (TW: Non-graphic SA)

TL;DR: Divorce is already in progress. My soon-to-be ex sexually assaulted me (legally definable and chargeable), dismissed it as a “misunderstanding,” continued violating clearly defined relationship boundaries, and is now engaging in a deliberate smear campaign—including encouraging others to seek “dirt” on me. I have recordings of his verbal abuse and documentation of the SA I originally chose not to file charges to protect his future, but he’s actively trying to damage mine. Am I overreacting by reconsidering legal action?

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I work in a professional field and am currently navigating a divorce, and I’m attempting to evaluate whether my intended response is proportionate or reactionary. I deal with employee relations, investigations, and conflict mitigation regularly, so I’m trying to apply the same analytic lens to my personal situation—even though emotions make it considerably more difficult.

To summarize the relevant facts:

1. The divorce process has already been initiated on my end.

2. I disclosed to him directly and clearly that he sexually assaulted me. The event meets the legal criteria for sexual assault (specifically r*pe). When confronted, he responded that I “misunderstood the situation.” There was no misunderstanding. The situation is legally chargeable and provable.

3. I intentionally chose not to file charges at the time. Despite having the legal grounds and evidence, I made a conscious choice not to pursue criminal charges because I did not want to cause irreversible harm to his life or career.

4. He engaged in multiple acts that violated the explicit boundaries we mutually established. I’m not detailing them here, but our definitions of cheating and inappropriate conduct were clearly laid out and acknowledged by both parties. These boundaries were repeatedly broken on his side.

5. He is now selectively disclosing only my past wrongdoing and framing it as the root cause of the divorce. He brings up my infidelity while omitting his own violations, including the assault.

6. He has begun initiating a targeted smear campaign. He’s communicating with women he’s attempting to impress that had previously turned down his sexual advances, portraying himself as a victim and presenting a narrative where I am the sole problem. This includes misrepresenting events and minimizing or erasing his own behavior entirely.

7. He is actively recruiting friends and acquaintances to collect “dirt” on me. Multiple people have informed me he is reaching out, asking them for negative information or anything he can use to further slander my character. Going as far as to waste our money of private detectives. This crosses into deliberate reputational harm.

8. I have recordings of his verbal abuse. These were not created maliciously; they were recorded during moments of escalation to document patterns of behavior when I felt unsafe.

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My dilemma: I originally made the decision not to file charges because I believed preserving his future was the ethical, compassionate choice. I wanted to exit quietly, rebuild my life, and avoid unnecessary destruction.

However, he appears to have no hesitation attempting to damage mine. He is escalating, not de-escalating. He is comfortable sharing my faults publicly but hides all of his own—including criminal acts.

In HR, when one party continues to weaponize misinformation and refuses all accountability, escalation sometimes becomes necessary simply to protect harm from continuing. I’m aware of that professionally. I’m struggling with applying it personally.

So my question is:

At what point is it no longer an overreaction to pursue legal action for sexual assault? Is it unreasonable to protect myself when someone is actively working to destroy my reputation, manipulate others, and rewrite the truth?

I’m genuinely trying to assess whether this is a disproportionate response or simply overdue accountability.