I am so very confused and am overthinking a lot

So ever since I was 15 I realized I am aroace, I'm now 18. I don't feel romantic or sexual attraction at all. But despite this I still really want a relationship and to have a partner, thankfully I discovered what QPR's are when I was 16. But it has made me overthink for years, especially when I get squishes. What is the difference between a crush and a squish? What even is romantic attraction??? I know what sexual attraction is and I know I definitely don't feel that. And for years I've always thought I didn't feel romantic attraction, hence why I'm aroace...

But recently I've been overthinking everything. What is romantic attraction, like genuinely????? I don't understand it. I feel aesthetic attraction (you look cool), platonic attraction (I want to be your friend) and queer platonic attraction (I want us to have a deeper connection than my other friends, like a QPP, but it's not romantic). But I've been thinking, if I dont know what romantic attraction is, how do I know I don't feel it? Is this just me overthinking?

I have a squish on someone atm, I think they're really cool and I really like being around them and I really like them as a person and their interests and personality and I would love to have them as a partner but it isn't, or at least doesn't feel like, romantic attraction, but I also don't know what romantic attraction is so how can I say it isn't??? If I have a QPR I want it to be like a romantic relationship where we do a lot of things together, be close with each other, comfort each other and just generally co-exist throughout life together, but it's not a romantic attraction nor is it romantic feelings to the person. They just feel like an amazing friend that I feel very drawn to and whom I want to spend a lot of my time and life with and want a deeper connection compared to my other friends. But because I don't know what romantic attraction even is how can I say this isn't romantic or that I don't feel it??? It doesn't feel like I feel it because idk it just doesn't...? But it's still making me overthink. Do any other aro people go through this? It might also be worth mentioning that I am autistic/ neurodivergent