All the things left unsaid

I woke up with a swollen face and a headache. You did the one thing that could change every thing. You hit me, again. I'm beyond sad. I'm beyond betrayed. I'm beyond ashamed I stayed. I'm in hiding do Noone sees me or what you did to me. I can't even think of the words I want to lay here for you.

You think I am too blame but I'm not. I never left you. I waited. I've sat here this whole time imagining good morning kisses, good night love making, my fingertips tracing every tattoo, the way you looked at me as if I held the key to your future, the way your voice gave me a high I can't explain, the way when you touched me I never wanted you to stop, the way I couldn't help being so close to you. I know that you, Travis were the love of my life. No one on earth ever made me feel the way I felt beside you. It wasn't anything you did or didn't do..I just knew it was you. I wanted everything with you. I wanted to love you only for the rest of my life. You made me feel like I walked on clouds. Did you know that I carried noone but you in my heart for the last 4 years? Could you tell when I looked at you that my whole future was flashing before me? I loved you. I was in love with you. All the way. I could have married you. I would have carried your last name all the way to my grave. I was so in love with you that I let you fool me. I couldn't see the betrayal. I pushed the pain behind me. All I saw was you. The man i loved. Why? Why was i the one that got your fist? Why? Why did I get none of your time? Your kisses? I got nothing. I got hit, I got tricked, I was lied to, cheated on. I waited just to be beaten. Was anything in that whole lifetime with you real? Did you ever even care about me at all? You'll never see me again. I can't look at you. I'll not search for you. I'll never say your name again. The only parts left of you are the bruises. Soon they'll fade too just like you.. life will resume. And we'll just be two strangers. I'll never get over the way you made me feel so small and worthless. I'll never forget how horribly you treated me. I'll never forget how you were never there for me. Not one single time. How i was never worth a simple, I love you. I'll never forget how bad my heart hurts seeing how I mean absolutely nothing to you. I can't wait to never think of the man that broke me. I can't wait for this ache to go away. I wish to God I never met you. I've never felt pain this deep. Yeah, I'm ashamed. Im ashamed that I ever loved you.