37 [M4F] Eastside - Overly verbose extrovert looking to rebuild entire social life after COVID (and maybe find a lady friend too)

Hey everyone, giving this a try for the first time--I'm an extrovert who unwittingly let himself get stuck in an introvert lifestyle during the pandemic. I'm looking to break out of that and make new friends. For women, if there's mutual attraction maybe it could be more than that.

I used to have a great social life and a partner before covid but through a series of lockdowns and unfortunate events (also, mistakes were made) I don't anymore and I'm currently available. My work situation never takes me out of the house, which is awesome but also limiting.

I know this post is rather long; my hope is that by being as transparent as possible, you'll be best equipped to decide whether or not I'm not your type. A lot of the first couple sections boils down to "be a relatively normal, well adjusted person" so if it starts to come across that way to you, feel free to skim.

It's totally okay if you read this and think I'm batshit insane and go on your way accordingly; I can respect that. Heck, have a laugh if you want, it costs me nothing. But if you like what you see, hit me up.

Some women don't like too much sexual detail in the initial post so I don't talk about it that much here, although it's an important subject to me; I'm happy to talk about it more in DMs! Please feel free to ask whatever it is you want to know; I will be transparent.

Obviously, for friendships you can ignore anything that references a partner (which is used to mean anything from fwb to girlfriend to wife, so as not to make an already wordy post even wordier). If we're not a relationship match but we still have a lot in common, you are still more than welcome to message me for friendship and chitchat.

A little about you:

• You are a straight woman who likes straight men. In the most typical and straightforward sense.
• Massive bonus points if you have cats.
• You take good care of yourself (not overweight, non-smoker, no substance abuse) but when it comes to exercise you would benefit from mutual encouragement and motivation to do better.
• You think for yourself and have interests and goals in life beyond fulfilling obligations.
• Not a dismissive avoidant personality. Sorry but I've been badly burned by them repeatedly in both friendships and relationships and I'm not willing to invest again. Everything else, try me.
• For a relationship--you enjoy physical intimacy, don't consider it a chore, and enjoy sometimes making the first move. For those less experienced, you're at least very interested.
• I'm not that picky about age and I have experience with both older and younger partners. We'll find something in common whether you're 18 or 40.
• You eat meat and wear leather and don't feel bad about it. Om nom nom nom.

And just to be up front and respect your time, here are some potential "dealbreakers" addressed:

• Some might say that at times, I probably use a considerable number of what you could consider weasel words and what others have described as overly long sentences, possibly including but in all likelihood not limited to this one.
• I'm not good with small children and I have no desire to have any of my own. I could potentially be persuaded by the right woman but it would be very difficult, for reasons I am happy to explain in detail if we chat. I'm not interested in being an adoptive or step parent, though I could probably get along fine with a well-adjusted tween/teenager, especially if there are shared interests.
• I have a fanatically individualistic/egalitarian Western conception of love and romance, to the point of cultural insensitivity. In other words, if you're from that stereotypical super traditional background and you'd give your family a veto over your choice of boyfriend/husband, I'm afraid I can't respect that and we're not a match. I also strongly believe it's highly inappropriate for family members to exert pressure on women (or men for that matter) to have children; that is a decision for the prospective parents alone and nobody else's business.
• Conversely, however, in the past I've always gotten along well with the family of my partners and I'm very nonjudgmental about them; I can get along with pretty much anyone who doesn't challenge my presence in the relationship and my lack of interest in having kids. Autistic kid brother who says wildly inappropriate things? No problem. Uncle who tells too many fishing stories? Doesn't bother me. Mom randomly makes casually racist jokes while baking apple pie? Don't mind if I do, as long as the racism isn't directed at me and the pie is delicious. So this would be something I don't consider a dealbreaker in a potential partner.
• I am a longtime gun owner and concealed carrier, though I view them as self defense tools and have zero interest in the machismo or tactical larp that some people associate with it. It weirds me out when people act like exercising a right that is constitutionally guaranteed in my country makes me either a badass or a psycho (though if I'm playing Krieg in Borderlands, I might be a badass psycho).
• I'm functionally a monolingual English speaker. I have studied other languages but unfortunately am not fluent in any of them.

Things that I hope we might have in common:

• You can't tolerate a 'dead bedroom' situation long term.
• You aren't afraid to own your mistakes and try to do better.
• You treat sarcasm like icing--to be used as a topping and not to make the entire cake out of.
• You support the aggressive use of air conditioning, no matter what your government tells you.
• You'd rather do activities together than alone most of the time, even if it's just talking while doing something.
• You genuinely love chatting, and don't consider it a chore with those close to you or while getting to know someone.
• You dislike venues where the background music (untz untz untz) is too loud (WHAT??) to carry on a conversation.
• You don't openly consider yourself antisocial or a misfit and you don't much care for edgelords or nihilism in general (sorry, -=xxxGrImReApEr_GuRl_420xxx=-, we weren't meant to be).
• Given that we all have limited time and energy, you'd rather focus on friends and family and especially your partner over trying to change the world.
• You treat every person you meet as an individual, not as a member of some identity group or category.
• You treat the people you do business with in your everyday life with respect (drivers, servers, cashiers, housekeepers, pilots and flight attendants, etc).
• You think planes and aviation are awesome, even if the process of flying commercially isn't.
• You're neither a religious zealot nor a militant atheist, and generally of the opinion that people of all/no faiths should try to get along and show mutual respect.
• You seek to communicate properly, and don't give or accept vague "that's just how i feel" excuses for major relationship/friendship decisions (I.E. not a flake).
• You believe it's better to overcommunicate than undercommunicate and then say "you should have known" later.
• You value your career/work but don't prioritize it over a relationship. For instance, you wouldn't dump your partner to take a good job offer in another state.
• You mostly know what you want already, and if you make drastic life changes it's a deliberate decision and not merely to "find yourself" or "experiment."
• You engage with social media and AI but have a healthy suspicion of them and try to use them responsibly (I.E. you wouldn't use chatgpt as a therapist, or waste hours doomscrolling facebook). Bonus points if you refuse to use tiktok.
• You understand the effects of cognitive bias and try to be at least somewhat aware of it, and would be willing to help your friends/partners do the same. (For example, you recognize that air travel is much safer than ground travel despite plane crashes having much greater prominence in the news than car accidents, and you understand at least several of the reasons why other people often get this wrong.)
• You don't auto-exclude half the population (either left or right) as potential friends because of their political views and you're able to agree to disagree (and focus on common ground) with friends who have views you think might be misguided or even repellent. If you do have a conversation about this sort of thing, you're more interested in understanding different viewpoints than in "winning." Believe it or not, I've actually met partners this way!
• You strongly prefer Western pluralism, free speech, and all flavors of market economy (including social democracy and free enterprise capitalism), despite their flaws, over totalitarian/authoritarian or one-party systems of any type.
• Except for those living under the aforementioned totalitarian regimes, you don't approve of political violence, rioting, looting, terrorism, or insurrection even (perhaps especially) if it's on behalf of a cause you strongly sympathize with.

A little (ok, maybe a bit more than that) about me:

• 37yo, average height/weight for someone of East Asian descent, US born citizen and highly assimilated aka "banana." I have a business degree and used to work in the corporate sector but found that A. I'm better with people than I am with numbers and B. I do my best work helping others, so my last full time job was in government social services. Experienced massive burnout during covid and am currently self employed with very flexible schedule. In economic terms, I'm very secure, but somewhat lacking in liquidity (can travel though).
• I'm a straight guy who likes straight girls, no complexity or nuance there. I have what you might call fetishes (cat ears, business attire, possibly both at the same time) but not really any kinks, though I might enjoy humoring someone else's. I am somewhat more of a "giver" in the bedroom rather than a "taker," meaning a significant part of my satisfaction comes from my partner's enjoyment rather than my own directly. I'm fine with her being a little selfish in bed and I have the stamina to deal with it.
• Respecting consent is very important to me, to the point where I might come across as slightly lacking initiative at first if you don't communicate. Obviously this gets easier the better we know each other.
• My past partners have all been of white/European or East Asian heritage. However, I wouldn't read into that too much and I think race consciousness in both public and private life has done far more harm than good.
• Due to my upbringing, gender roles don't hold much significance for me, other than slightly improving my work ethic.
• I'm attracted to business/creative professionals or those in public service and helping fields (medical, law enforcement/first responder, defense, therapists, educators, etc). But as a somewhat non-technical person, I find anyone who is really good at their chosen specialty fascinating and a learning opportunity.
• I'm originally from the Midwest and currently live in WA state, near the Canadian border (been across many times). I've also lived briefly in the UK (for work) and Australia (for a former partner) and really enjoyed my time in both.
• I enjoy travel and have been to 30 of the 50 US states as well as Japan, Taiwan, France, Germany, Italy, Costa Rica, and Singapore (almost melted there though) in addition to the above countries.
• Although I didn't grow up around them, I absolutely LOVE cats and despite allergies have had multiple cats for most of my adult life (though not currently). Own lots of cat themed merch, clothing, etc. If we get close enough as friends/lovers I may or may not start meowing at you (in private) and you have to be ok with that. Don't worry, I am not a furry! If you have cat(s) I would definitely like to see pics and if applicable meet them and see if they like me.
• I have interests of my own, but generally I do things to spend time with people (and I'm more productive doing work tasks with other people as well). Whether I'm playing video or board games, watching a show, going out, or doing things at home, it's primarily to spend time with whoever I'm with. Which means I'm not that liable to get bored as long as I'm enjoying someone's company. On my own, I get bored very easily.
• I play a lot of videogames. Mostly shooters, RPGs, and some simulation/cooking games. If I have a partner I generally follow her into whatever games she likes, and then I have a few "bread and butter" in the 4x/colony sim/moba genres that I play on my own when I can't be with a partner or a friend. One thing I really, REALLY enjoy and haven't gotten to do nearly enough is watch (or co-op) partner/friends play heavily choice based games like Mass Effect or BG3 and see how their decisions differ from mine and how the story plays out differently. I'm hot garbage at platformers and generally only have the patience to deal with them after a glass of wine or two. I like sci-fi but can enjoy anything except horror.
• I have a little experience with tabletop RPGs and card games but haven't gotten to play much since the pandemic, would be interested in getting back into it as it's a nice alternative to videogames.
• I try my best to do gardening but have never been very good at it, would love to learn more from someone with more experience!
• I have worked as a professional copywriter in the past, and more recently did nanowrimo in 2024. I have an entire novel draft completed but still need to revise it. It turned out better than I expected and I'm hoping to self publish someday.
• I come from a family of visual artists, and while I didn't necessarily inherit their creative talent, I really enjoy art galleries. Finding the local art museum is usually one of my first priorities when I visit a new city.
• I'm very externally driven, for better and for worse. Someone needing help is much more likely to spur me to action than making a number go up. As a biz school alum I understand and respect P&Ls and KPIs but don't find them powerful motivators personally.
• Diagnosed and medicated attention deficit and susceptible to allergies and heatstroke (I run AC at room temperature year round and dislike hot weather) but otherwise no known clinical issues.
• I have the memory of a goldfish on routine matters, but I try to shape my workflow and daily habits to mitigate it. Support from my partner is highly appreciated.
• I have very little need for "me" time beyond getting basic self care and errands, etc done. So within reason, I'm quite fine with my close friends and partner demanding attention. I tend to consider solitary activities as filler between time with friends/partner, to be minimized if possible unless I'm physically exhausted or actually have things that need to get done.
• My relationships (both friends and partner) are my highest priority and I will adjust my sleep/work/meal patterns to spend more time with them if necessary, within reason. I'm generally much more of a night owl than a morning person, however.

I know that was a lot to read, so thanks if you made it this far. As previously stated, if you think I'm batshit insane and want nothing to do with me I can respect that--but if you don't and we have something in common, hit me up!