Moving overseas - conflicted feelings about my foster cat

tl;dr I’m moving overseas and not sure if I should bring my foster cat with me.

I’ve lived overseas for 2 1/2 years and I’m moving back to my home country. About 6 months before I moved here, I lost my soul cat. Before I knew of the job opportunity here, I would occasionally go to the shelters just to see if there might be a cat I could connect with, and I remember being shocked to see 15+ year old cats up for adoption. I was so horrified that they would be spending their senior years with that heartbreak and loneliness, or having to adjust to a new home and routine when they should be enjoying the comfort of a familiar home. So when I moved here and discovered that I couldn’t adopt until I was a resident, I was determined to find an older cat to foster, to help make their last years more comfortable.

That’s when I found Goldie, a then-15 yo cat (now almost 18]. She was found in a tree where she’d been apparently living for a few months. Little is known about her background other than she did have an owner at one point. She either fell out of the tree or was hit by a car (which I believe to be more likely) and has a crooked spine because of it. When she was first taken in, she was deemed feral because she acted aggressively toward the vet, likely due to the pain. She doesn’t do well around other cats (hisses and growls) because they bother her, so she was passed from foster to foster. She spent over 2 years on the foster/adopt list, but due to her age and health issues, no one showed any interest. I could sympathise with her, as I’m an older woman with back issues as well and I’m an introvert who prefers to be alone. Perfect!

I have a lot of love to give to a cat. My soul cat was a Cling Wrap Cat, always wanting to be curled around me and cuddled with me endlessly. Goldie isn’t like that. I thought she’d eventually warm up to me, and she has to a point. She purrs and rubs against my legs and lets me pet her. But she really only cares about me when it’s time for food. She’s on a set food schedule to keep her at a healthy weight, and the only time she interacts with me is when she wants food. If it’s not yet time for her next meal or treat, she’ll get in my face and then lay down next to me, so that the moment I get up or make a move, she’s ready to lodge a request for food. Once she has her food, she’s ready to go back to her bed to snooze until her next meal. She has very strict boundaries, and as long as those are respected she doesn’t mind me. But if I cross those boundaries (petting her too much or in the wrong place, brushing her too long, trimming her nails, taking her to the vet) she’s a hellcat. She has medium-long fur and can’t groom herself. She stinks all the time because of that and leaves “catch-and-release” poops that get caught in her fur and then drop off later. I tried to get her groomed once by a former vet tech who specialises in grooming senior cats like her, and she said that while Goldie wasn’t the worst cat she’s ever groomed, she was the worst one in a while. Goldie does not care for my husband (who is a cat person) and she poops outside the litter box whenever he comes to visit. She won’t eat any food that he gives her.

When I first planned to move back, I intended to bring her with me. A quick surface search made me believe I could have her in the cabin with me on the plan instead of in the cargo hold, and there wouldn’t be any kind of a quarantine for her when we landed. It seemed less disruptive to her to have to adjust to a new house but not a new person than to both a new house and new person, and I could give her gabapentin on the flight to keep her relaxed and less anxious. The foster care group agreed to it, and my husband also agreed to it. Then I dug further. Turns out, it’s not possible for her to be in the cabin for flights between these two countries. It would mean she’d have to spend roughly 48-72 hours in a cage or being handled and examined with no one she knows around her, at least 16 of those in a cargo hold on a plane. That would cross just about every boundary she has and would be traumatic as hell. Plus, a pet relocation service costs 20 times (yes, truly) what I’m paying to move myself.

I’ve asked the foster group if someone would be willing to take her while I see if I can DIY the relocation. I’m not getting any takers. She’s been listed for adoption now for nearly 5 years and no enquiries. She’d have to go back to a foster home with multiple cats, which she’d hate. While my husband is here helping me pack, she’s gotten worse with the pooping outside the litter box and has not made a good case for bringing her back home where she’d have to live with him full time. I don’t want to see her miserable in her final years, but I don’t want me and my husband to be miserable either and pay for the privilege on top of it.

WWYD?