I think I was taken advantage of

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up in March of this year. I won’t get into the details too much, but she struggled financially, and it drove a major wedge between us. I am fortunate enough to have a great job, one that I have been at for some time, and have something of a strong financial base. I am incredibly blessed and thankful. I always picked up the slack as needed, but after two emergency vet visits for her cats, one requiring surgery, I found myself strapped for cash as well. Over the subsequent few months, I buckled down and tried to save money for us, still picking up the slack as needed, covering expenses she could not. It came at a cost, as I prioritized saving and our financial future over our relationship. I’ll be the first to admit, I became a bad boyfriend, and there are a million things I wish I could go back and do over. It still keeps me up at night. We stopped the fancy dates, stopped going out with friends, stopped buying gifts. I was hell bent on getting us out of this hole, telling her if she just gave me time, I could fix everything. We loved each other, but we drifted apart.

A few months go by, and she breaks up with me over text. I chased her, feeling so lost. I begged her to call, dropped flowers off at her apartment, told her I didn’t care about money, just us. A month went by, and she called me. Said she wanted to live now, and that I needed to be with someone that wanted to save every penny. I told her again that I don’t care about the money at all, and that I just wanted to fix us. She said she doesn’t believe me, and doesn’t trust me. Eventually, she hung up.

A couple of weeks go by, and she reaches out, asking for a few hundred dollars to pay her rent and cover her bills. Knowing the situation, it was the truth. Trying to show her that I don’t care about money, I gave it to her. Another month goes by, she asks for a couple hundred more, saying “I didnt have to, but that I know how much it helps her”. Again, I gave, trying to prove the same thing. Foolishly. Didn’t even get a thank you in return. I still felt incredibly lost - but part of me hung on to ill fated hope. I cared about her far more than I cared about any amount of money.

A few months go by, and she calls me. Asking for a couple thousand dollars to help pay her tuition, so that she can continue to chase her dream job, one that I pushed her to go for while we were together. (She needed to pay the outstanding tuition balance before she could enroll) She said that she now trusts me, and sees that I have changed, and that she will pay me back as soon as she is able, providing payments each week. This was also true, as we were working on a plan to pay off her school while together so she could go get the job. Again, I gave it to her, telling her I am doing it because I love her, and want her to make it. She just told me that her life has been more peaceful since leaving.

After the money was sent, I found out that she had a new boyfriend the entire time, who she had gotten with a month or two after we broke up, who was now being posted on Instagram. One she met at her new job. She had also been posting online about how gut wrenching our relationship was - all while still coming to me for help. I was blindly funding her life with someone new.

I don’t care about the money itself at all. I haven’t heard from her since anyway. It’s been a few months, and I have good and bad days. But today, I feel disgusting. Very pathetic. Part of me knows I brought it on myself. I enabled the behavior. I could have just as easily said no. I was an idiot acting purely on emotions for a relationship that had already come and gone. Trying to use the thing that drove us apart to bring us together. I know you can never buy someone’s love. I was dumb enough to try. But I also feel used, discarded. Someone who told me they would be by my side if we lost everything - they may have taken advantage of my feelings, and used it for personal gain, all while being with someone else. And now they will go on living the life I help build, while I am left with all of the hurt.

Unfortunately, I don’t think people who are capable of such things feel much remorse, so I doubt I will ever hear back. Which is fine I guess. We can never be together anyway. More so hurt that someone who once held my love so dearly could use it against me like that. But I also enabled. I still hold on to hope that is 5, maybe 10 years she would apologize.

Okay people of the internet, go ahead and call me an idiot lol. Well deserved. Moving into a new apartment soon, hoping to start over.