TMI: I had an autistic meltdown trying to learn to crochet.

I attempted to crochet again after a failed attempt about 5 years ago. 5 years ago I tried to learn by myself via YouTube, Reddit, TikTok, etc., and ended up asking my mother for help because I was living with her at the time. She is well versed in almost every fiber craft, including crochet, so I assumed she’d quickly see where I was going wrong and correct me. I was wrong. She watched what I was doing, pointed out when I needed to readjust a finger or hook a loop differently, but I still kept failing. Over and over and over again. It ended in me blubbering and holding my failure and showing her that I’m doing what she’s telling me but it’s not working, like my hands and brain didn’t understand what she was saying. It got to the point where she threw up her hands and told me she didn’t know and that she’s given up on teaching me. I know that this sounds like some ‘look back and laugh’ story but when I do think about that night, I get really upset. It’s the same feeling as when you go to the skating rink for the first time as a kid and watch all of your peers pick up the rhythm with ease, while you’re still in the back of the rink trying to figure out how to ‘loosen your knees’ while also not losing your balance and hurting yourself again. And again. And again. Until you’re on the hardwood floor sobbing while your embarrassed mother hollers your name from the benches. Today, by myself, attempted and attempted to cast on slip stitches. I watched several different videos and variations and techniques and nothing caught on. I tried different size yarn and needles, everything ended up with me being a crying mess just like 5 years ago.