Paralyzed when dating

Hi r/ADHD

I’m pretty sure my ADHD plays a role in dating and my attachment style is Avoidant - Anxious I have been single for my whole life. I’ve had instances where I would go out on dates with people but it never turned into anything serious or I would shut it down before it got serious.

When things go somewhere and it’s a bit uncertain - I tend to analyze the situation again and again and this fear of choosing wrong or putting up with the person or finding reasons to reject the person in order to go to my default mode is pretty strong. My ADHD jumps to the future a lot and what starts out as a strong hyper focus can also lead to rumination and despair over commitments for life.

I’m comfortable alone but have longed for a relationship in my life and got back out there dating after thinking I did the work ( have been going to therapy 2+years) but as things get going and I go on dates I start to lose sleep, overthink, feel like I’m not myself and am in constant thinking mode.

I journal, walk and hike to cope.

When I’m with the person, things tend to go smoothly or sometimes not ( but that doesn’t throw me off). My strategy right now is to try and let things ride out in order to know if we’ll be a good match but I’m afraid I will lose emotional energy before I even get there. I’m a pretty unreliable narrator as well as my judgement of whether I like someone or not flip flops drastically due to my thinking patterns

I don’t know how to separate myself from the dating phase- the only way I know how is to not be in any courtship or talking/ dating stage- this is where I feel most safe and secure and full control over myself.

Would love to know if anyone goes through something similar and strategies they got through.