Just did a shot of meth and mind is busy thinking about all those I’ve lost , everything that’s fallen apart due to my addiction . Id appreciate a chat : ) . I won’t burden you if u don’t want , just chat . Or if u r in the mood for off loading some stuff n sharing our burdens , I’m up for that 2

Don’t read If you don’t want any negativity !!!

. I had 2 people die . One was a friend . I’m 22, and he was only 19 about to turn 20. They say they don’t know cause of death but I know he was badly into drugs , including heroin . Got me thinking, did my shot and couldn’t keep the thoughts of all the people I’ve lost to this lifestyle at bay . We went in different directions, they went to uni , travelled , worked in the city . I went to a tiny town , went on the benefit , and spent 3 years struggling w mental health and addiction . I was addicted to drugs since 17 and managed to keep relationships for a little while but it all fell apart . I was too open about my struggles , esp with the meth over sharing .

Sorry for the downer guys. I know a lot of you guys will relate though . I can’t share this stuff with friends because when I did it just pushed them away . Doesn’t help that I’m bipolar and when I get manic I overshare, or on stimulants . I guess they just can’t deal with my issues and I don’t blame them . But it’s fkn lonely . The couple relationships that are still kinda ok , I don’t wanna risk harming by reaching out to them about this stuff . I just let them think I’m clean - ish or whatever .

My mums lovely and very understanding , but even then, I don’t want to worry her more than she already does . I can tell her anything but I know that she’s scared for me , and I don’t wanna scare her more by telling her I’ve used. She’s coming for a visit soon, and I want it to be good . I’ll be clean , sober , and positive . I already scared the shit out of her a bit ago by calling her up on meth and offloading about the fact I couldn’t stop shooting up water into my veins and got another infection . My dad is no longer giving me any acceptance of any drug use, so I can’t tell him anything other than letting him know I’m tapering off alcohol and how that’s going. He’s also sick n worried about a lot.

2 people I can rly talk to , one is a dealer / addict who stole from my dad . The other , idk her limit w how much burden I can offload . And the only person I could talk to abt this has died . Died of the same diseases as I have . I couldn’t help him , couldn’t save him , no matter how much I warned him and how much he said he was careful . I don’t want to follow him , my mum told me if I passed away it would break her. That’s why I’m trying to stay alive .

Fuck