In a daze of confusion, low self-esteem, and a million questions why.

Hi. Obviously a throwaway account but I have a question or questions? Idk. (Excuse my grammar and punctuation and probably spelling moving forward because I gotta give some context.)

1, black F 23 (important to the story), made the fatal error of dating a man 21 years older than me I met off of a pornography site. I was young, dumb, and impressed by his nothingness. We talked for two weeks before he made us "exclusive". We were long distance for a year after that. Well, fast forward to our one year anniversary and he makes the 12 hour drive to come see me for three days in which we have smex (and he takes my virginity in the back of a rental Kia soul 💔). Anyways, cue the big blowout from my family.

I'm 19 at the time and dealing with homeless (important to the story) and he offers to take me with him. Naturally I say yes and run away. It's hell. He's unhygienic, misbehaving dogs, can't cook or clean, but I stay. Come to find out he's in a back and forth with his ex, white F40-something idk, and they've been in and out of each other's lives for... longer than I've been alive. She allegedly stole his car, his Pitbull, and is living large in Florida. Cool. I believe it. I'm in love. I let him take phone calls from her in front of me, let him send her money and everything because I keep telling myself one thing:

"He loves me."

Eh. Turns out that was NOT true. Four months into my stay, she comes in hooting and hollering saying she's got a 🔫 and she's going to 💥 me. I run out of the back door, call the cops, she gets arrested, and he bails her out. Mom comes and takes me home on my first airplane ride! It was fun!

We talk not so secretly for six months before he comes back and takes me. It's an official move now. I get my ID switched to his state, put down his address, and he treats me like garbage. I keep the house clean, cooking, regular bedding, dog care, and earn a promise ring after he gets caught talking to the ex. We have our moments but the ex keeps popping up needing money which he sends behind my back. I catch him, he apologizes and refused to take me home, we make up. That happens four times (I think?)) and then BAM. My family moves in???? BOOOOOO.

My family (love 'em) don't do too well and kinda make life hard for us just when "things were getting better" as he liked to say. Fast forward a year later and guess who took advantage of the situation? You guessed it! The ex gf. Only this time I'm referred to as a "monkey leech" and that I "breed like a roaches" and "good look eating out of the pantries with our eight kids." He claims he handled it but idk.

All this brings us to NOW. We talked after he moved to his parents house which I assumed was because he complained about my family so much he dipped states to get away from me/us. But here's the thing: he says we're still dating even though I can barely get in contact with him across several apps, he's into spiritually now (🙄), and I got logged out of the streaming services only to see his ex has an account.

And just an hour or so, I called after 24 hours of no communication and I hear...🥁🥁🥁🥁 A woman in the background! (Presumably the ex gf)

My questions are:

1. As a man, what is going on in his head?
2. Was I the rebound just to get back with the ex?
3. Presuming he's back with his ex after everything they've gone through, what could be a reason or reasons why?
4. Why does he keep saying he loves me and gets angry when I mention other men when he treats me so badly?
5. Is it over between us? Officially?

Sorry for the ramble/rant/blah blah blah but I gotta know and Reddit is full of smart folks, guys and gals alike. Any advice, mean or nice, is appreciated.

Have a good one!🫂