Feeling the duality of life

For a long time now I’ve been your typical nihilistic antinatalist, generally pretty pessimistic about this whole ordeal. I started thinking about how you can’t have the amazing without the horrible and how it’s such an evil design. You only love people because you know they could be ripped away from you at any time. At the same time though, if I’m being honest with myself, I’d do it over again every single time. I had to have the -11 moments to feel the 11s. I know that’s definitely not true for everyone, some people literally only feel suffering most of or all of their life. But if the rest of us are being honest, I don’t think we’d take any of it back. Every moment, good and bad, had to be there in order for everything else to go the way it did. I’m stuck on whether to be grateful or disgusted about this fact of life. Feels better than just being pessimistic though. Maybe suffering is just part of the deal. Maybe it couldn’t be any other way. As Grok put it, “The love was worth the ticket price, even if the price was insane.”