Sharing my success story: 145 days

Hey guys. I’m so eager to share my story with you all. I pray that sharing my story may give others the motivation I desperately needed in my multiple attempts to quit. I was able to quit cold turkey and could not be more relieved. I tried patches, gum, nothing worked for me but going cold turkey. I smoked for ten years, a pack a day, even more on days when I’d be stressed, which was frequent. I started smoking after a bad break up which stupidly made me want to do anything to harm myself. I wish I never started. I was highly addicted to smoking, to a point of desperation and anxiety. It would be freezing cold at midnight, and I’d realize I’m down to my last cigarette, and I’d be sleepy, but rather than go to sleep, I’d go walk to my convenience store for half a mile in the freezing cold just to have that peace of mind that I will have a pack ready in the morning to get through the rest of the day, and because one cigarette was never enough for starting the day. When I started to get too lazy to endure the cold and smoke outside, I started smoking inside. I got into trouble. My neighbors hated me and complained about me all the time. My clothes and furniture smelled awful. I felt such deep shame but could not stop. Nothing mattered more than me smoking. I could not begin ANYTHING without first having a cigarette. Could not start my day, could not meet up with someone, could not walk into work, could not get on a zoom call. Hell, even every time I would try to start exercising, I would end up having a smoke before. That was obviously stupid. I hated myself as I’d be sitting outside the gym smoking and people coming out would see me and judge me. They were healthy and I was not. I’d of course be out of breath and unable to perform as a result. I would try to eat healthy. And then I’d conclude every meal with a cigarette (or more), tell myself it was to ‘digest the food’. If I was getting a call from a friend to catch up or gossip, I’d step outside and find a bench and sit there and smoke. I could not get through the call without chain smoking. I was already on a tight budget and often chose to pay the ridiculous price for a pack of cigarettes over even buying food. My gums ALWAYS bled when I’d brush my teeth, they were constantly inflamed. My skin looked so much older than my age, was constantly dry no matter how much I’d moisture. Of course I was dry inside and out. I barely even wanted to drink any water. The same goes for my lips which had lost all color. Both my skin and lips had fine lines. And then I quit, cold turkey. I really wanted to have a baby. I got married, and right after the wedding, I never had another cigarette. I knew I wanted to get pregnant and I knew my body was not in a good state and had to recover. The difference was amazing. My skin changed, went back to looking my age, the fine lines were gone! I had a constant urge to drink water, too, so I also drank lots. I went in for a gum and teeth cleaning and actually benefited this time as opposed to dental cleanings in the past when I’d walk out of a cleaning and need a smoke. My gums and teeth look great. I FEEL so much better, I sleep more deeply, my nerves are so calm, I’m enjoying food! Everything even tastes better now. I’m eating lots of fruits and healthy foods. I can finally spend money on and actually enjoy expensive perfumes, I never bothered buying them in the past because I knew the cigarette smell would ruin it. Most importantly, I got pregnant and will soon be delivering a healthy baby. I honestly think I had to find a reason that was bigger than myself to be able to quit. Idk about you guys but I’m the kind of person to be more concerned about harming others - in this case my child - than I would be about harming myself, which I want to do better on. Anyway, find a reason… whether it’s you want a healthy baby, you want expensive perfume, you want better skin and teeth, you want to be able to exercise without being breathless within five minutes, you want to save your money for something more worthwhile… I do think it’s all about wanting it badly enough. Work towards the thing you want to achieve and identify the loathsome parts of smoking that you want to abandon and put behind you forever.