Looking for advice on potentially patching things up with n-ish mom one day (ft some venting)

Happy holidays everyone, I’ve been in and out of this subreddit for a while and finally decided to make a post asking for advice/others’ experience with this.

First off I want to say my heart goes out to each and every one of you, it makes me so sad to read your posts and so angry that you had to and continue to deal with all this bs, and I wish I could give you all a huge hug.

Sort of on that note, I know that many of you are LC/NC with your parent(s) and it seems ? freeing ? to not have to deal with their stuff anymore (putting aside what it may have cost). This is the part where I hesitate and wonder if I’m alright posting this here/in the right subreddit, as I don’t think my case is nearly as extreme as many of yours, and wanted to ask if there’s anyone in a similar boat to me and would mind sharing how things turned out for you

For a bit of context, my (22F) mom (58) has never been physical, never done anything illegal, never sabotaged my academic/professional success in any way, and is genuinely proud of my hard-won grades/accomplishments (imo), the problem is with more day-to-day stuff. She can get mad very easily for things that I am still trying to accept are not my (or my sisters’ (18 & 17)) faults, and is definitely of the mindset my house my rules, I pay for your phone so you better text/call/share your location, I’ll give you something to cry abt etc. Here are some examples to give some kind of idea of her level which generally all resulted in verbal aggression (which I’ll admit turned into a therapeutic vent, sorry pls excuse the length and feel free to skip to the end):

• Me expressing interest in learning how to drive stick shift (bc I didn’t have my license at the time and…was stupid for suggesting that ?? idk)
• My sisters and I suggesting things to do while on vacation when she asked for our help, that ig she all hated
• Me texting her when she’s in a bad mood or has a lot going on at work (and few times I’ve said she could just silence notifications/has no obligation to respond any time soon she gets more mad lol)
• My sisters and I speaking Spanish in public (we are white non-hispanic but she said we were “being too loud” and “showing off”, I think she gets mad we’re talking abt her which majority of the time we are not)
• Me expressing interest in trying to practice speaking Chinese with someone I overheard speaking it at a museum, ig she was mad I was seemingly more interested in that in the moment than the museum she paid for me to go to (even tho she hates museums lol and I love them)
• My sister and I not being able to load directions because weather was terrible and getting mad at us for it
• When we were on vacation walking downtown and it was sprinkling so she started getting upset and talking abt how she didn’t want to wander around expensive stores not buying stuff and we were only there bc my sister wanted to do it (she did not, nor had she expressed interest in this) and so when my sister tried to say that and we could leave, then our mom like ? didn’t want to leave and said she wanted to go to a cafe, so all 3 of us were frantically looking for somewhere close, but she didn’t like any places we walked to…goddamn it was exhausting she didn’t even know what she wanted, but when she finally just left us to go nap back at the hotel my sisters and I had a rly lovely time
• Screaming at me for like ten minutes until I was a crying mess bc I paid a tuition bill wrong and was overcharged by like $100, which sucked bc yk how expensive college is, but I didn’t gaf so much as being yelled at like that
• Being mad when I did poorly in sports competitions, sometimes yelling in the car ride back, being like you should just quit the team and stop wasting time, etc
• Trying to teach me to drive (“”) but critiquing every little thing very aggressively so I showed up a teary snotty mess to the SAT (didn’t drive w her again after that)
• When she came to visit me while I was studying abroad and the place we traveled to was super hot and bus system not the best, and she was snippy most of the day but at the end when both our phones were low, traffic was horrible and we weren’t able to get an uber or lyft, she lowkey lost it on me which was super rare in public especially given I was 21, said I was acting like a toddler, as I was desperately trying to figure out the bus (and didn’t rly speak the language or know the area)

So, with all this being said. I’ve put some of her worst moments down, but I always feel guilty and feel like I focus too hard on the negatives and not enough of the positives. She’s a single mom (divorced when I was like 6) who’s busted her butt all these years working to support my sisters and I; she was the one fighting for us to be able to do whatever extracurriculars we wanted, and scrounging up the money and doing all the driving to make it happen, to send us to good schools and still paying for it like all herself when our dad didn’t rly pay for anything more than he had to, and did not put the same level of effort into us that she did (my dad’s a whole separate story lol). There were good moments too, days, weeks when she wouldn’t get mad, but.

The thing is, it’s like. I just don’t want to be close to my mom, it’s like the well has just been poisoned and I want to limit my contact as much as possible. I don’t want to hug her, I don’t want to share a bed with her when we travel, I don’t want to share any personal parts of my life or issues or whatever.

I’m fortunate enough to have had a decent-paying job lined up as soon as I graduated college and will be moving to the other side of the country for it in about a month or so. After that, the way I see things playing out is I’ll rarely see her anymore and keep up with her about as much as she texts or calls (which is admittedly fairly frequently, but still). But I’m wondering if I should push for us to do family therapy one day and try to repair our relationship…idk, has anyone actually had success and bettered their relationships through this?

It’s not an option now as my mom is very unreceptive to any kind of criticism (I’ll resist the urge to vent further about the few attempts over the years), and as I (and my sisters) are still living with/dependent on her, that’s just not something I would feel remotely comfortable breaching. But—long story short, just wondering if anyone has any stories/advice. Thank you so sincerely to everyone for listening and making it to the end!