From marathons to whatever this is.

Last year I participated in the London and New York City Marathons. This year I had to withdraw from Sydney and Chicago Marathons.

First I would like to acknowledge that reading stories here i know there are others worse off than me, this is just my experience.

I will also point out I have not been diagnosed by my GP as having CFS. She is saying I have post viral fatigue. When I read peoples symptoms here I see similarities.

This all started for me 7 months ago in May when I had this incessant cough. I took a at home PCR to check for COVID, RSV and FLU, all negative. I saw a GP who prescribed antibiotics but said they wouldn't help so I didn't take them.

The incessant coughing took its toll with lack of sleep and the occasional coughing fit taking my breath away. In mid May from this I was exhausted and over it.

I went to a GP who prescribed a PCR test through a pathologist. After a couple of days I was diagnosed with pertussis (whooping cough). I was prescribed antibiotics but not enough. After not getting better i returned to the GP where it was discovered i wasn't prescribed enough. I was then given two lots of antibiotics and the right amount. The coughing stopped but I was left with fatigue, headaches and brain fog.

I ended up changing GPs as I was unhappy with the what had occurred initially. The GP I saw initially should have prescribed a PCR test but didn't and the other GP prescribed the wrong amount of antibiotics.

In July when I changed Doctors I felt i was improving and I told her I still intended to travel to the US to run Chicago Marathon but would pull out of Sydney Marathon. She said I wouldn't be able to do either.

As things progressed and I didn't get better and another bout of illness it became clear I wouldn't be able to travel to the US so the trip was cancelled.

I did go to the Sydney Marathon to cheer for friends. On the way into Sydney seeing the signs for rhe Marathon I broke down. Going to any running event now to cheer or volunteer is hard.

Using Dr Google I found my symptoms aligned to sinusitis. A CT scan confirmed so I eagerly awaited an appointment with an ENT who confirmed I have sinusitis but said it didn't explain all that was going on. I went there convinced he would say he could do a procedure and in a couple of weeks I would be better. I had even overhead the receptionist saying there was a spot open the following week for surgery and I was thinking I would take that. I left there feeling defeated.

I then started to think maybe its neuroinflamation. I had a CT scan done last week but the report made no mention. I see the GP in a few days to discuss and yet to see a neurologist.

I am able to work, it is a challenge but I am getting by. I have taken today off as yesterday was a crash. I believe this was a result of an emotional breakdown after seeing a photo of me crossing the line of my first ultra marathon with my kids finishing with me. I have found these crashes and despite being utterly exhausted takes me hours to get to sleep which is what happened last night.

I am trying to pace myself as I have been managing to get through Monday to Friday working from home but then have to recover all weekend for the next working week. That means I have no time for my family. The nights during the week I am recovering after work.

In hindsight I did too much last week which meant at the start of this week i was already struggling.

As I said, I know there are many others worse than me and have been challenged by this longer than me. I trust this is a safe place to share my story.

I feel for everyone else going through this, for the people you miss, the experiences you have missed. The life you miss.

I was 3 stars in to a 6 star journey to earn a World Marathon Major 6 star medal. I feel this may now be out of reach.

Last year my wife and I celebrated our wedding anniversary in Times Square New York City. This year I was crashed in bed.

I missed celebrating my sons 13th birthday party.

I haven't been able to take my daughter out for driving lessons but have to pay a stranger to do that.

I have friends that don't keep in touch but, ask if I ran a particular event not knowing I struggle to walk a couple of kilometres.

One day at a time.

My sickbed is my prison,
and my body the guard who never lets me out.
The seasons shift, warmer days call to me,
but I can only watch through the bars of my own weakness.

I want to laugh freely with my children,
to hold my wife in moments that linger,
to sit with friends over food and drink,
to feel the rhythm of running—
the wind, the earth, the freedom.

Instead, my days shrink to what I can manage,
the ordinary tasks that barely fill the silence.
This sentence has no end date,
no calendar to mark with hope.

I wait.
I wonder.
When will these chains fall away?
When will I be free—
free to be me?