Am I supressing?

I'm very fresh out of a semi long term (~1 year) serious relationship. I was the dumper and ended things because both our lives' trajectory did not align and life got in the way too much too many times. We still loved each other even through the final moments together deeply and had no resentment towards one another.

Right now I just feel semi numb and just very low energy and lonelu, but my mind isnt as constantly clouded by thoughts of her as much as I thought it would've. Am I supressing my emotions and im going to implode later? Ive been through a tough breakup before so I know how bad it could be and I expected something along the lines of that but not quite to the magnitude. Theres constantly a looming shadow of doubt and guilt over what I did but its not crushing.

I was very much invested and passionate about that relationship, but why am I still functioning? I should be deep in depression and guilt and shame, instead im mostly functioning and just passively depressed. I feel like a total asshole for not feeling as much sadness as I tjink I should.

Whats wrong with me...?