Found a new anxiety to think about 24/7 and I hate myself

So honestly nothing makes my behavior better, or excuses it or whatever. But I send. Alot. If you know what I mean. Nudes, sexting, calls, all of that.

Not with people I know in real life. Just in some stupid site where people meet to sext and talk. Its anonymous. But anyway. I did it at first because I wanted to feel preety. I wanted to know if I was desirable. But really im just easy. And homeschooled so even more lonely and pathetic. No friends, no boyfriends. Just a stupid site where I send dudes nudes if they ask. And 99% of the time they do. And at one point I just stopped really caring.

Now here is where the new anxiety comes in. One day (maybe) I might have a husband or a committed bf. And I'll have to tell him "yeah, for a while I was basically an online whore who gave whoever asked pictures because I wanted to feel cared for"

How pathetic is that?? And how disgusting?? Im going to be such a dissapointment. Ive barely even kissed a boy irl but tons of people has already seen my body. Im an online whore. And im honestly dissapointed in myself for stooping so low whenever as a kid I told myself I was never gonna do that.

But here i am.

Also im not sure if this is the right place to post this but none of the other communities really fit lol