qpr vent

i am in a qpr with a really good friend of mine. she already has a boyfriend and i was fine with it at first, until as of lately .. qprs are to me like what regular romance is for neurotypicals. they’re intimate for me, regardless if we present romance or not. they complain about romantic relationships and how much they suck, which gave me so much hope until it turned out to actually be misleading. i hate to say this but i remember asking a friend of 3-4 years to be in a qpr but only rejected me because he was so busy, which only proved to be correct considering we don’t talk much nowadays. he’s just as heavily aromantic as i am and i miss him so much, we had a lot of great talks and late night conversations about everything and anything. but now, seeing as i’m in a qpr with someone who’s already in a relationship, it makes me feel jealous and guilty in a way .. seeing as she told me that she talks to me more than she does her boyfriend because he’s always “busy”, which made me feel guilty and like a sidepiece. i’m not primarily asking for advice but if you want, you can spill it. i’m just simply here to push the weight off my shoulders.

i admire my current partner so much, which is probably why it hurts.