i have almost accepted myself, but i am so insecure of my body around my boyfriend

context: me and my boyfriend are long distance. i have a past of anorexia/restrictive eating disorders. i have recovered and am at a healthy weight. i eat regularly but do have days where i struggle with balancing the right proportions of my food. i am recovered physically but still have my bad days, of course. my boyfriend knows this and is sensitive to this. he doesn't comment on my body and if he does, it's in an extremely positive light.

the thing is, i dont feel insecure when its just me. i don't mind the stomach rolls or the loose skin or feeling all parts of myself when i lay down. i enjoy it almost, it feels good to finally be not malnourished. it feels like rebellion to me to love my body.

but i get so insecure around my boyfriend. i always think about how much my body has changed since i last saw him. i hate that he sees my not flat stomach. i hate that i am bigger than him even though his natural body is just smaller than mine. i wish he could've seen me skinny. i know these are not productive thoughts and i try hard to replace them with kinder ones. but the insecurity is there and it hits harder when im with him for some reason. anyone else experience this?