considering detrans

hii!! so i’ve been on and off of t a few times mostly for medical purposes. i currently identify as nonbinary i think but i present as male. i have been considering stopping t altogether for simplicity’s sake, as well as the fact that i want to look a bit more feminine than i currently do. my question is basically how would i know if stopping is the right choice for me? and about how long will it take for people to notice that i’ve stopped t? i always end up taking it again because i’m afraid of not being masculine enough to be seen as a guy. i guess i’m mostly just afraid of people seeing me detransitioning because i’m embarrassed to admit that i was wrong. ultimately i think i might want to stop t without saying anything. idk i’m just a bit lost and confused and i dont know if i should put on my gel tomorrow. i want to stay androgynous, but i know that continuing t will make me more masculine which i dont really want, but also if i don’t get more masculine im going to look way younger than im going forward. 🤷