i’m losing my mind over something i shouldn’t even lose my mind over and i feel embarrassed

there’s just so much information so i hope this all makes sense. i’ll put a TL;DR. also, y’all please please don’t judge me at all i jus need to vent and i know that this is all so stupid 😭

TL; DR i (18F) have been having a crush on this guy (22) for nearly 2 years and recently i found out that he may have a girlfriend. i’m upset even tho i shouldn’t, especially since we aren’t friends nor have we ever even met in person.

so i (18F) have a crush on this really handsome guy (22) and i’ve had a crush on him for almost.. 2 years ? i first saw him when his tt live appeared on my fyp back in sept 2023 , and since then i’ve followed him on tt and eventually his other platforms. i was a junior in hs at the time (i graduated hs this may) , and it wasn’t until maybe my second semester (of junior year) or summer of senior year that i started to get SERIOUS feelings abt this dude.

he deleted his socials in november last year and essentially went MIA. he had about like 2000+ followers on insta and less than 100k on tt. the only interaction me and him ever had was when i commented on one of his tt that it was my b-day and he liked that comment n responded w “happy birthday!” through what he posts about his life, i found out that he lives 4.5-5 hours away from me, is rich, we listen to the same music, AND we even have the same birthday month ?? the problem w him is that he’s/was a player and he would jump from one woman to another.

for the longest time, i would desire this man. it was more prevalent not only now but also in november or december of last year, as i had thoughts of wanting to be FWB w him and wanting nothing serious w him given how he would jump from liking one attractive lady’s post to another (he would lust after them). however, for the past few months, i’ve been craving this man badly and he even appeared on my dreams.

well, i stalked his spotify account and i saw he followed a lady (he only follows two ppl on spotify: her and another guy). i stalked the lady’s account and i saw that she had made a playlist for him which had romantic songs (all i wanted by paramore, etc etc) which leads me to believe they’re dating. i know i shouldn’t care and that i just freshly turned 18 and me and this dude have NEVER seen each other in person before, but i feel like my world is in shambles 💔