Blindsided in full therapeutic disclosure

It took 2 years after Dday to get here and we had our disclosure today. In the months leading up to it he kept reassuring me that I already knew everything. And that did end up being true... about everything leading up to Dday.

What I was not expecting to hear was that he has actually been "relapsing" for the first year and a half and has only been sober since June of this year, when I asserted a hard boundary for good recovery.

He had always told me he had no urges and that he had never relapsed. Turns out that he thought masturbating to Amazon listings and book covers did not count. I am still in shock.

I was expecting to feel better after finally having all the facts. I never expected to hear that he has been faking recovery and actually in active addiction up until a handful of months ago.

Oh, and he is not an "addict" according to his assessment from the CSAT.