Please help me unpack/understand my thoughts

So here are some of the things I go through in my head every single day. It’s exhausting.

-thoughts about past mistakes. Times in the past where I did/said something rude (mostly as a child) and got scolded for it. I know it may have been deserve at the time, but even decades later, I still hear their voices (I.e. dont be like her, she’s full of negativity) and internalize myself as a bad person

-thoughts about times I embarrassed myself/almost embarrassed myself. This leads to wanting to hurt myself, negative self talk, and shame in general. A lot of these situations happened many years in the past or not at all (they were close calls but the what if is too strong and it feels like it really happened) I also have fears of this type of thing happening in the future or happening to my future kids

-thoughts of when people excluded me, and I feel like I’m a societal outcast/don’t belong in this society. “I don’t deserve to be here, or I’m not meant to be here” is a common thought. Thoughts that I’m weird and no one likes me. Thoughts that people think I’m a joke.

-Negative comments I’ve gotten here on Reddit. I’m happy to say most comments were positive, but unfortunately some were quite negative and almost cruel. Somehow I can’t I see them. Some comments calling me “disgusting” (for leaking on my period) “shitty” (for asking how to deal with rough people) and “troll” (for asking how to deal with my anxiety

-it seems that no matter how much reassurance I get, I just keep ending up in the same spiral. I know it must be OCD, but the ERP therapy didn’t really help. I’m scared to take meds as they can have side effects or not work and have the opposite effect.

-also, anytime I get negative feedback, even minor, I become majorly upset

What is wrong with me? I feel like all of these things are relatively minor but they feel so huge to me. My immediate thought is to hurt myself when I think of even minor setbacks. It feels pretentious almost. Why am I like this? I’m self aware, yet can’t change.